


Eager to please (ready to fight)

by zation



Series: SPN Kink Bingo 2018 [25]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean, Cas POV, Cas is ashamed about his injuries, Coming In Pants, Dean is young and idealistic, Demisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff, Frottage, Gay Dean, Hand Jobs, Hermit Castiel (Supernatural), John is actually a good dad, Kissing, Light Bondage, M/M, Mild Angst, Military background Castiel, Motel living, Older Castiel, Prosthesis, Protective Dean Winchester, Sergeant Major Cas, Spooning, Supernatural Kink Bingo 2018, Supportive Sam, Swimming Pools, Top Cas, Twink Dean, Younger Dean, cas is not happy, detective John, distinguished Cas, feelings of insecurity, first time gay, large age difference, sorry for the long ass end note on the last chapter lmao!, tragic backstory Castiel, war injuries Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-07-27 12:19:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16218908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zation/pseuds/zation
Summary: Wounded in battle, Sergeant Major Novak is forced into disability retirement and ends up living at an extended stay motel in New Mexico. Coincidentally it’s the same motel that John Winchester moves his sons to when his job transfers him to New Mexico.Or,The one where Castiel forms a beautiful bond with the Winchester brothers and especially so with the older one, Dean.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> And so for my last Bingo entry I’m giving myself a treat! I’ve been wanting to/needing to write this idea for a while now and why not indulge now that I’ve been so good and completed all the other squares? I hope you’ll like this, wish me luck on finishing before the deadline! <3  
> Gentle reminder (this is also in the tags, please read all the tags!): the age difference is HUGE. Huuuuuge I tell you. No one is underage but it’s still a very big gap, if that’s not your thing then please don’t proceed with reading, you know yourself best <3
> 
> Title is of course from Billy Joel’s _I go to extremes_ because I love that song lol
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I don’t know _anything_ about being in the army or on battlefields or about losing a limb and having a prosthesis. I take all my knowledge from movies and Google. I am _very_ sorry if I inadvertently end up upsetting someone but _please_ remember that this is a work of fiction and I’m writing this for fun; it’s not my intention to be rude. Please read all the tags before reading, even if they are mildly spoilery. You know yourself best  <3
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **Square filled: Destiel**

 

 

Castiel jolted awake at a loud crash. He sat up in his bed and stared widely around the room for a moment before he oriented himself enough to calm down.

Still in the same motel room, still sweating away in the unusually warm June weather, still tired, still…

He flipped the thin sheet he was using as a blanket to the side and stared down at his left leg. Yes, still an amputee or however the kids were referring to people like him these days. A long, white, and ugly scar could be seen at the end of his stump and he took a moment to trace it before he remembered the crash that had woken him.

With a grunt he swung his legs over the side of the bed and reached for his prosthetic leg. This was probably what he hated the most, having to put this on before he could move out of bed. Maybe he should just sleep in the damn thing and be done with it.

He supposed his doctor would be displeased but it wasn’t like Castiel cared what that old coot thought of him.

Give him a few months and he would be hopping around on one leg just to get out of doing this, he thought. Putting on his prosthetic leg should be easy, he had an excellent sleeve to accompany it, it was custom fit to him, and he had trained to do this enough that his sister Anna would leave him alone.

And it _was_ easy, technically. Mentally it was a mountain he had to climb every day because this wasn’t his leg, this was a… a _thing_ that he was stuck with and every time he snapped it on it pulled on the scar tissues on his stump. The good doctor had warned him that since his initial wounds had been so severe it would take time to heal. Castiel was rushing it, he knew he was, and he supposed he would be sorry but another part of him just wanted to get used to this already.

At least they had managed to save what had been left of his leg after the hack-job he had done himself, leaving his knee intact.

He hissed as he stood up but gritted his teeth against the pain, telling himself it was ghost pain. It wasn’t, of course, because what was left of his leg still hurt very much, but he wasn’t ready to admit that. His leg _had to_ heal, _had to_ adapt to the prosthetic or the doctor would come and tell Castiel that he needed to remove more. It was a far-fetched fear but it was there and Castiel wasn’t very good at dealing with it.

Only limping slightly he made his way over to the window that faced Dusky Skies Motel’s parking lot. He pried his blinders open a slit and saw that the crash had been a blue Sedan hitting a red Volvo. Or the other way around. Either way the owners were engaged in a heated argument that Castiel had no interest in.

Shaking his head he went into the bathroom to relive himself instead. Old as he was, he was at least glad that he wasn’t old enough that his bladder had to wake him during the night. He did _not_ look forward to having to put on his leg in the middle of the night just to take a piss.

He stared at the shower for a moment as he washed his hands and thought that yes, a shower sounded sublime in this heat but that would mean he would have to take off his leg again and he didn’t feel like it. Why was everything such a hassle? He was glad he had moved out of Anna’s house so he could take his own time to figure out things like this.

Anna was wonderful and helpful and accepting and Castiel couldn’t take it. He had been Sergeant Major Novak for too long to suddenly be reduced to Cassie. Sergeant Major Novak fought in wars, Cassie needed help to take a shower.

Anna had been sad when he told her he was leaving to live on his own for a while but he thought it was in everyone’s best interest that he did. She had a job, two kids, and a husband to concern her with, she didn’t need a battered older brother as well. He hadn’t felt unwelcomed in her home but he had felt elated to leave nonetheless.

Giving the shower one last longing look he shuffled out to the kitchen in his extended stay room. The complimentary coffee maker took forever to brew and he had to make enough coffee for four people to get one decent tasting cup but it was alright.

The kitchen also combined a living room and dining area, separated by a divider depicting various cacti in a flaking green color. Unlike the bedroom window, the two windows in here faced the inner yard and the pool area. Castiel stood staring out at the pool as the coffee brewed and he longed to take a dip in its glistening water.

The Dusky Skies Motel wasn’t very high in standards but what it offered was decently taken care of. The TV was the old fat kind and the AC unit was definitely running low on gas but other than that Castiel didn’t have a lot of complaints.

He tore his eyes away from the pool when his coffee was done, knowing full well that he probably never would use it. Hell, he was still too scared to even put on shorts, for fear that people would see his shame. There was nothing shameful in having prosthetics, except for him it was. For him the lost limb reminded him of what had happened and if there was one thing he was ashamed of it was that one event.

Sighing he sat down on the lumpy couch and turned on the TV. Weather reports promised sunny skies and high humidity, which was perfect, just perfect.

 

*****

 

The Motel was shaped like an L with the pool on the inside and Castiel was living on the longer side, where the rooms only had one queen sized bed and only two rooms to every unit. The shorter side of the L housed bigger apartment-like rooms and stood mostly empty. Not that there were a lot of people on the longer side either, living there long time like Castiel, who had already been there for two months.

A Mrs. Missouri Moseley and her strangely quiet Chihuahua Pepper lived five doors down from Castiel and a spunky redhead in Castiel’s age called Rowena MacLeod lived a few doors down from her. Those were the only people Castiel had really talked to. He knew there were a few more long-timers but they mostly kept to themselves and only gave Castiel a curt nod of recognition if they happened to meet at Chapz Bar&Grill down the road.

Other than that it was mostly the occasional trucker, businessman, or family that stayed one _maybe_ two nights and then they were never seen again. And Castiel was fine with that. He had chosen the town of Artesia, New Mexico because he knew he liked it but that it was far enough from his family that he wouldn’t have to fear them surprising him with a visit.

Plus, Artesia was only about 40 minutes south of Roswell and he had army friends who lived there. Sometimes it felt nice knowing they were close at hand because there were things only fellow soldiers could really understand.

He didn’t have a car because he couldn’t drive yet but Rowena had told him she could drive him if he wanted to go anywhere and he had really appreciated the offer, even though she didn’t know why he couldn’t drive himself. He hadn’t taken her up on the offer and probably never would but it felt nice to have the option if he got tired of taking the bus to shop for groceries.

Mostly he just spent his days working on his physical therapy and subtly screening the calls from his military appointed therapist. It was a bit lonely but he liked that too, felt as if he deserved it.

Then, two days after the car crash, someone moved into one of the bigger rooms on the short side of the L. A family consisting of a father and his two teenaged sons, Mrs. Moseley told him in a hushed tone. Castiel didn’t notice much about it, except that there had come a pickup truck and a black  Chevy Impala and someone had unloaded a few boxes.

 _“It could be nice”_ , he thought. _“To have some noise around here.”_

He continued walking up and down the walkway in front of the room doors and thought that he would walk to Chapz and have himself a steak tonight. He didn’t see anything regarding the newly arrivals until the next morning.

 

*****

 

Sitting on one of the many patio chairs that lined the pool, Castiel was enjoying a rare Coke in the morning. Usually he didn’t like the sweet taste, thought it was slimy, but today it felt nice. Not as nice as a cold beer would be in the sweltering heat but nice enough.

The can was practically sweating in his hand and a wet ring had formed under it on the patio chair’s armrest. He swiped his thumb along the can and looked out over the pool. Yesterday the temperature had reached an astonishing 86 degrees, which Castiel felt was ridiculously high for June and he feared it was only a promise of what was to come.

Right now he wasn’t regretting not wearing shorts as much as he was regretting wearing sneakers. The beige linen trousers he wore were actually pretty cool but he really missed wearing flip-flops or something like that. Hell, he would even have preferred to be barefoot even if it would have burned the soles of his feet.

He looked down at his sneakers and sighed.

“It would burn my _foot_.” He mumbled and tried not to sound bitter. On the upside he supposed he wouldn’t have to buy as many socks anymore.

“Hey mister!”

Castiel looked up to see two boys approaching him. Or, well, one teenager and one young man more like. They were both of similar height but the one with longer hair did look younger in the face. They were both smiling and the older looking boy was carrying a plastic ball, one of those football patterned balls that could be bought at any gas station.

“Hello boys.”

“We were wondering if the pool is okay to use?” the younger one asked with the enthusiasm of youth.

Castiel smiled kindly. “It’s available 24/7 for all tenants.”

“Cool!” he exclaimed and ripped off his t-shirt before promptly plunging into the pool, breaking the water with an excited shriek.

“Hey! Introduce your… self…” the older boy sighed and turned back to Castiel with an almost shy smile. “Sorry, it’s just really damn hot.”

“Don’t I know it.” Castiel mumbled with a new smile. He stretched out his hand and the boy looked at it for a moment before eagerly grabbing it. He had a strong grip and his grin was wide as they shook hands. “I’m Castiel Novak, I’m in room 15.”

“I’m Dean Winchester, we’re in 21.”

Castiel nodded. “You and your brother?”

Dean glanced over at the younger boy who was apparently busy trying to stand on his hands in the pool’s shallower end.

“Do we look that much alike?” he asked with amusement. “Yeah, that’s Sam.”

“We don’t get a lot of fresh faces around here, I’d already heard of a father and two sons.”

Dean grinned. “That’s us.” He stated confidently, albeit unnecessarily. “Our old man’s John Winchester. He’s at work.”

Castiel nodded. “Were you the one who drove that beautiful Impala yesterday?”

Dean’s eyes lit up. “I wish, dad won’t let me use it yet. I…” he smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. “I kinda wrecked the pickup’s headlight when I first got my license.”

Castiel politely hid his smile behind his hand. “I’m sure he’ll come around.”

“Yeah, I’m hoping—”

“Dean! Are you getting in the pool? I want the ball!”

Dean heaved a sigh. “Siblings.” He muttered and managed to sound at least twice as old as he looked. “I’ll see you around, Mr. Novak.”

Castiel wanted to say that “Cas” would be fine but he didn’t and Dean had whipped off his t-shirt and gotten in the pool before he could change his mind.

He spent most of the morning watching the kids play around in the pool and couldn’t help but smile at their bickering. They were rough with each other but Castiel saw the love between them and their laughter echoed pleasantly between the buildings. Mrs. Moseley and Pepper joined him around lunch and they ate watermelon and laughed at the boys’ attempts at petting Pepper, who was entirely too afraid of the water to ever go near enough.

 

*****

 

Castiel sighed and slumped down on his favorite patio chair. It was late enough that it was dark, the pool area badly lit from the lamps on the walkway but Castiel didn’t mind. The night was cool, if humid, and he enjoyed sitting in the dark and drinking the cheap beer he had gotten at the Brewer gas station down the road.

He had known it would be too far for him to walk right now but he had wanted to try it. To prove himself wrong, more like, but he hadn’t. He had been dead right and now his stump was aching and sore. He felt miserable.

On the other hand, he had managed to walk the twenty minutes there and back without breaking down and now he had disgusting, lukewarm gas station beer to enjoy. He supposed he should see the upside to it.

It was quiet around him except for the sound of the cicadas singing and it felt more soothing now than it normally did. Normally it made Castiel wish the AC wasn’t so old and cranky so he could have slept with it on and the window closed. Right now it felt more like a song than noise, though.

He was nursing the second beer of his six pack when the song was interrupted by someone walking up to him.

“Mr. N?”

He looked up into Dean’s eyes and reflected on how vividly green they actually were, almost as if they reflected the lamp light like a cat’s.

“Dean.” He greeted calmly. “I didn’t think anyone else was up.”

It had been three days since they first met and talked but Dean and Sam always waved hello when they saw him. He had spoken briefly with their father yesterday and had found that he liked the man. Mr. Winchester was a former Marine and now worked as a Detective for the Artesia police force, they definitely had things in common enough for them to get along. He did get the impression that Mr. Winchester was frazzled and tired but he seemed like a good man nonetheless.

“I just got back from Chapz.” Dean said with a grin and plopped down on the chair beside Castiel’s. “Those old-timers can drink.”

“Drink?” Castiel frowned a little. “How old are you?”

Dean raised an eyebrow and looked at Castiel with amusement. “19, are you gonna tattle on me?”

For some reason the cheeky brashness in Dean’s tone made Castiel huff out a chuckle. He had been around enough youngsters to know when this was a problem and when it wasn’t and Dean seemed responsible enough.

“Not at all, I’m from Texas.” He smiled at Dean’s surprised face. “In fact.” He bent down (and ignored the twinge in his stump) to snap off a beer can for Dean. The boy’s surprise only grew when Castiel offered it to him. “Well, we’re in New Mexico, if I remember correctly you’re allowed to drink on private nonalcoholic-selling premises so long as your parents consent to it. And I’m assuming your father knows you went to Chapz?”

One look on Dean’s face and Castiel had his answer, just as he had suspected. He waited for the lie and tried to decide on how to respond to it.

“Actually no.” Dean said then and Castiel was so surprised by the honesty that he missed the blush that spread over Dean’s freckled nose. “He’s not home. I, um…” he looked to the side, clearly eyeing the door to their apartment. “I just wanted to go out for a while, Sammy said he understood.”

“He wants to go out as well.” Castiel was all too familiar with being cooped up inside.

Dean hummed in agreement but then startled when Castiel nudged his hand with the beer can.

“Take it, it’ll be our secret.”

Dean’s face lit up in a wide grin. “Thanks, Mr. N.”

 

*****

 

Two weeks later the Winchesters had settled in well with the rest of the tenants at Dusky Skies Motel. Mr. Winchester worked a lot and left Sam in Dean’s care but the boys seemed used to this. They mostly spent their summer days in the pool and would sometimes invite other children to play with them, if there were families with children staying at the motel.

Dean was good with the younger kids, Castiel had reflected with odd pride. Rowena had remarked something similar but her tone had been a little too insinuating for Castiel to be comfortable. Purely aesthetically he could admit that Dean was handsome, bordering on beautiful, but that didn’t mean that he should be ogled at like some piece of meat.

Castiel hadn’t said anything, though, mostly because he had felt like he knew Rowena good enough to say that she wouldn’t act inappropriately but also because Mrs. Moseley had been with them when Rowena had mentioned Dean’s physique and even the old woman had whistled and play-fanned herself at the comment.

“You better watch out, Castiel.” Rowena had said in her thick Scottish accent. “You’ve got competition in that boy.”

“What are you talking about?” Castiel had laughed. “We’re playing in completely different leagues.”

“True.” Rowena had smirked. “Distinguished versus flashy.”

Castiel had been thinking more like expired versus fresh but he wasn’t about to say that out loud.

“Distinguished?” He had snorted. “I’m almost 52, I’m an old dud.”

And that had earned him a smack on his arm from Mrs. Moseley who was pushing 70 but it was all in good humor.

This day he was sitting at one of the few tables at the pool’s short side that was shaded by a giant parasol. It did little to cool him and he had relented and put on a white wife-beater.

Sam was sitting with him, speaking enthusiastically about space and showing Castiel pictures in a book his father had gotten him as a graduation present. The kid really was adorable and _really_ smart, Castiel reflected with badly hidden amusement as Sam spoke about the various planets in their solar system and the possibility for life on Mars.

“Bored to death yet?”

Sam jerked in surprise when Dean joined them, putting down a giant bag of McDonald’s on the table. Castiel just smiled kindly and motioned for Dean to sit in the chair next to him.

“Not at all, Sam is very educational.”

“I think the word you’re looking for is _boring_ , Mr. N.”

Sam looked sullenly at Dean, carefully putting away his book before digging into the food. Castiel looked on with a sense of peace as the brothers divided the food. Sam practically inhaled his and Dean muttered about table manners but didn’t seem overly concerned. It was a nice scene and Castiel didn’t feel as excluded as he thought he should.

He rubbed his leg absently but thought that today was a good day. It didn’t ache as much and he thought he walked better. Maybe tomorrow he would ask Sam and Dean to join him for a walk.

He blinked in surprise when Dean suddenly put a donut in front of him. It was a little smushed and the chocolate glaze was almost sweating off the pastry but it looked equally good and sticky.

“What’s this?” he asked and looked up at Dean.

The boy busied himself with unwrapping his burger. “I know you said not to get you anything but I thought that looked too good to pass up on.”

Castiel noted that Dean had bought only one donut. “In that case let me repay you.” He started rising from the chair but was stopped when Dean put a hand on his arm.

“Then it wouldn’t be a gift. Sit down, Mr. N.”

Castiel was still surprised but he couldn’t stay elevated much longer and had to choose between standing up or sitting down again. He chose to sit and Sam smiled widely at him.

“Dean likes to pamper.”

“Shut up and eat your damn burger.”

Dean’s ears were red and he refused to look at Castiel.

“Thank you very much, Dean.”

Dean mumbled something that could have been a _“no problem man”_ and Castiel let it slide with that. The donut tasted like melted chocolate and it warmed Castiel all the way down to his stomach.

 

*****

 

Castiel was plagued by nightmares sometimes. They were mostly about his dead men, blaming him for dying. They didn’t leave him sweaty and shaky but they did make him uneasy and it felt like he hadn’t been sleeping at all when he woke up from a dream like that. Which was perhaps the only reason he called them nightmares because other than that they weren’t very scary.

He didn’t blame his brain ghosts but it was annoying when they interfered with his sleep.

He usually called Anna on the days after such nights and she always tried to convince him to come home. Today was no exception and he dodged her requests only half-heartedly because tonight’s dream had been especially long. He wished he could remember Alfie’s face as it had been when the kid had been alive but it felt like ages ago even though it had been barely seven months.

“I just don’t understand what you’re doing there all on your own, Cassie.” Anna sighed on the other end. Castiel leaned on the walkway’s railing and stared out over the pool area.

“Healing, just like you said I should.”

“I meant at home with us.”

Castiel smiled indulgently even though his little sister couldn’t see him. “I’m doing fine on my own, it’s been like this for most of my life.”

Anna was quiet for a moment and then, “I wish you’d call Daphne.”

Castiel’s chest stung at the mention of his ex-wife. “Daphne left me a long time ago.”

“I meet her in the grocery store sometimes, she still asks about you. She should know you’re home.”

“No.” He didn’t blame Daphne for wanting a husband who was around but that didn’t mean he would like to involve her in his injury.

“It’s your call, Cassie.” Anna mumbled and he could tell that he had hurt her feelings. He probably spoke too harshly without even noticing.

“Thank you for being concerned, Anna, but I’m really okay.” He saw Mrs. Moseley and Pepper approaching and waved at them. Pepper perked up but didn’t leave Mrs. Moseley’s side. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

Anna mumbled something akin to consent and then hung up on him. He looked at the phone for a moment and almost didn’t notice Mrs. Moseley stopping by his side.

“Trouble in paradise?”

He huffed out a smile. “Shouldn’t there be a paradise first?”

“Oh my.”

He shook his head, still smiling, and picked up Pepper when the dog walked close enough. Pepper snuggled in (she loved to rub against Castiel’s stubble) and the three of them watched as Dean and Sam bustled out of their apartment, clearly clad for an early swim. The brothers bickered over the plastic ball and when Dean held it out of reach it was clear that he enjoyed still being taller than Sam.

“It was my sister.” Castiel eventually said. Mrs. Moseley tilted her head to the side, listening without looking at him. “She’s not happy I’m staying here instead of with her.”

He hadn’t told anyone what he was doing here, why he was here, and what his situation at home looked like. Or that he in essence didn’t even have a home.

“Seems to me like she’s only concerned for you.”

Castiel gave the old woman a wry smile. Like him, none of the other tenants had shared why exactly they were living here and he wouldn’t ask either way. Only Mr. Winchester had admitted that they were here for the summer while he got acquainted with his new job position and could search for a house. Other than that Castiel suspected that everyone had their own story and he appreciated them not putting their noses in each other’s businesses.

Even so, he knew Mrs. Moseley meant no harm and that he was just a little on edge since his talk with Anna.

He handed over Pepper and saw in the corner of his eye how Dean pushed Sam into the pool and then waved enthusiastically at Castiel and Mrs. Moseley as if he had just spotted them. Sam spluttered and splashed water at Dean but the young man was walking over to Castiel instead.

“Thank you for your concern, civilian.” He said kindly, almost teasingly. “You move along now.”

“My oh my.” Mrs. Moseley mumbled. “I would be careful with that commanding tone, Sergeant Major.” She was smiling all too cheekily for a 68-year-old but Castiel was pleased nonetheless.

A part of him was annoyed that Rowena had spotted his rank insignia when he had first moved in here and then blabbed to the other long-timers but another part found it fresh that most of them knew that tidbit about him but still treated him as just another Joe. Plus, it was kind of his own fault for wearing the insignia in the first place but old habits die hard, he supposed, and he had learned that lesson.

She walked away just as Dean stopped by the railing and the boy looked after her with big eyes.

“I didn’t know you were a _Sergeant Major_.” He said just as Castiel was about to ask him about his day and Castiel frowned. “That’s fucking high up, Mr. N. Uh,” he looked at Castiel and actually blushed, something Castiel had rarely seen someone do outside of movies. “I mean sir.”

That took Castiel by such surprise that he actually laughed out loud. “You don’t have to be so formal with me, Dean.” He brushed a hand over his smile and looked on with interest as Dean looked away, his expression definitely one of embarrassment. “We’ve known each other for a couple of weeks now, you could actually be more familiar with me if you would like.”

“No I…” Dean coughed and rubbed the back of his neck. It was a nervous tick that Castiel found endearing. “It’s just, you told dad you were in the military but we didn’t know your rank and…”

“And it doesn’t matter.” Castiel said kindly, making Dean look wide-eyed at him again. “I’m retired now, I would like for you to call me Cas, nothing else.”

If possible, Dean looked almost bashful. “That would be nice. Cas.”

Castiel smiled at the pause before his name. Nice indeed.

 

*****

 

Castiel was happily sipping the lemonade Dean had gotten him from Brewer as he watched the Winchester brothers play cards. He had been invited to play poker with them but he preferred to sit and watch them taunt each other over a game of Go Fish. Just listening to them was calming and fun and he never felt left out, even though he sometimes felt like an outsider looking in.

Sam would occasionally pull Castiel into the jeering, though, and Dean would throw him enough happy grins to make him feel appreciated. Mr. Winchester always worked late so Castiel supposed the boys liked to hang around the only other father figure around here.

Castiel had never had children himself but he had always liked to spend time with his niece and nephew and being with Sam and Dean also reminded him of spending time with the younger men in his troupe. He wondered what they were doing right now and wished he had the clearance level to call them but didn’t like to dwell on the fact that he didn’t.

Today had been an especially bad day both physically and mentally so when Dean had knocked on his door and asked if he wanted something from the gas station it had really lifted his spirits. And that Sam had invited him to sit with them had felt even better.

“Dad’s taking us to Chapz tonight.” Sam said just as he was shuffling the cards for another round. “He said he wanted to treat us to some good meat to make up for him being gone so much.”

“That’s nice.” Castiel said sincerely. John Winchester seemed to be the kind of parent who wanted to do so much good but who sometimes couldn’t figure out how. He seemed aware of it though, and he did his best from what Castiel had seen.

“You should come.”

Castiel blinked at Dean but the young man just stared down at his newly dealt hand, the tips of his ears red.

“I wouldn’t want to impose.” Castiel answered calmly.

Dean looked like he wanted to say something but Sam started the game then and nothing was said. They played for a while longer but it was getting clear that the heat was climbing and all three of them were sweating by the time the game was over.

“Pool.” Sam asked without asking and Dean nodded. “Why don’t you take a swim too, Mr. N?” So far, only Dean had taken to using Castiel’s nickname.

Castiel glanced at the pool, felt the sweat run down his neck. “I’ll be fine.”

“You never come swimming, don’t you know how?”

Castiel felt pain in a limb that wasn’t there and it hurt, not just bodily. Sam’s face was open and full of youthful curiosity and even though Dean shushed his brother Castiel saw him glancing at Castiel. And it felt weird and shameful, somehow, to keep it from them. They had known each other almost a month now, which was considerably shorter than both Mrs. Moseley and Rowena but Castiel still felt as if he had known the Winchester brothers forever.

The shame still made his throat close up and he only lifted the leg of his trousers enough for the boys to see the pylon part of his prosthesis. Sam looked surprised and then sad but the curiosity was still there and it was better than the pity Castiel had expected. In his heart he was still Sergeant Major Novak and he didn’t want pity. Would honestly have liked to die out there on the field.

Dean only made a blank face and then turned to Sam. “It can’t get wet.” He stated in a big brother voice. “That’s why Cas can’t swim with us, right?” he turned to Castiel and Castiel nodded mutely.

“You could take it off.” Sam offered with such sincerity that Castiel felt both astonished and ashamed that he had thought less of these two. “I mean, maybe it would be hard to swim but if you just wanna cool off it’d be nice, wouldn’t it?”

It would, by God it would be marvelous, but Castiel was a coward and he _hated_ his stump for everything it was not.

Dean studied Castiel’s silent and passive face for a moment before turning to his brother and God help him but Castiel wanted to hug the young man for his next words; for the escape they provided him.

“There might be bacteria in the pool, I think you’re not supposed to expose your stump that much.” He looked at Castiel and shrugged a little. “At least in the beginning, maybe?”

“Right.” Castiel mumbled in a rasp, readily indulging the exaggeration to get out of having to explain feelings he couldn’t even understand himself.

“Oh.” Sam sounded disappointed and Castiel couldn’t fathom why. Did he want to see the stump? Did he want to see the prosthetic leg? Or did he simply just want to swim with Castiel? “Maybe later?”

Castiel nodded and Sam seemed satisfied with that. Jumping up from his seat he announced that he was going to take a dip and left the other two at the table. Dean lingered and Castiel couldn’t help but feel grateful.

“Thank you.” He said in a low tone and Dean looked at him with strangely intense eyes.

“Of course, Cas.” He said and smiled a small, secret smile. “Although it’d be awesome to see you in the pool.” He blushed instantly and Castiel grinned at him, unsure why the boy was blushing but happy to hear his words nonetheless.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains rather graphic descriptions of Cas’ accident in the form of a flashback, if you don’t want to read it you can skip the part in _italics_ , Cas will tell a shortened version anyway. Please remember that only _you_ can say if it’s too much for you to read  <3

 

 

“How did it happen?”

Castiel had been waiting for the question this past week. Neither Sam nor Dean had been treating him differently (for which he was immensely happy) but Dean had been a bit quiet and not gone in the pool as much, instead opting to stay with Castiel. And now Castiel supposed he knew why.

Sam stopped unwrapping the burger Dean had gotten them for lunch and glared daggers at his older brother.

“Dean.” He hissed. “You’re not supposed to ask.”

Dean looked contrite but he didn’t take back his question and Castiel supposed it was for the best. He would have to come to terms with it sometime, why not now?

“It’s okay.” He said quietly and both Winchester brothers turned to him.

 

 

_The car ride was bumpy and they jostled around in the back of the truck. Castiel could hear Uriel berating Alfie for his driving but he didn’t pay it any heed. These roads were bumpy and dusty and there was really nothing to do about that, especially not in these old trucks._

_To his right, Bart was fingering his cigarette pack but none of them spoke. Transports like these were boring and Castiel was glad it wasn’t long. Leaving the FOB was always a risk but to be perfectly honest he disliked the rides more because of the general uncomfortableness than the danger._

_He had been in the military and out on the field for far too long to be nervous about something like this. Alfie, on the other hand, was another matter. Fresh faced youth as he was he was more inclined to be nervous than cocky, which was why Castiel had ordered him to drive. He needed experience._

_Across from him and Bart, Efram sat and whistled along to a tune only he could hear. As on edge as the rest of the unit was, Efram was calm enough for four and Castiel appreciated it. Even so, it was Efram who first spotted the roadblock for what it was._

_“Is it rocks?” Alfie ask/yelled over the sound of the truck and Castiel almost wanted him to use the radio instead._

_“Roadblock.” Efram stated calmly and put a hand on his weapon._

_“Stupid place to put a roadblock.” Bart laughed with a sneer. “We’ll just go around.”_

_The road wasn’t as much a road as a stretch of slightly more packed sand. Around it were open wastelands and there was neither ditch nor fence to keep them from doing what Bart said. Still, it looked strange._

_“Slow down and approach.” Castiel ordered and Alfie looked spooked for a moment but did as told with a barely audible_ “yessir” _._

_They slowed to a stop about 9 feet from the obviously man-built blockade. Alfie was gripping the wheel so tightly his leather gloves creaked. The rest of them either looked over his shoulder or out the side of the truck. Castiel stood up on his seat and scanned the area around them._

_Quiet. Dusty. The air vibrating with heat. Calm._

_Castiel squinted in thought. Who would put up a roadblock that so easily could be circumvented? It didn’t make sense. And when it had come up, why hadn’t anyone noticed it?_

_“Just drive around.” He heard Bart say impatiently._

_“Should I?” came Alfie’s quivering response. It was the kid’s first time out in the open, out where things happened. Out where you could die._

_“You’re such a goddamn pussy your mom must’ve been eatin’ cats when she was preggers with you, private.” Uriel spat and Castiel snapped out a_ “language, PV” _but he didn’t engage much more than that because something had caught his eye._

_The roadblock was obviously new, new enough that the sand around it still looked freshly dug out. In this heat even the cool sand turned gray quickly but around the base of the blockade it still looked darker. And so did patches around the roadblock._

_“Drive!” Bart yelled and the truck lurched when Alfie, obviously startled, began rolling off the road._

_Castiel turned his head and saw that there were splotches of newly dug sand on the other side of the roadblock as well. Either which way they would have turned they would probably have to drive over those patches. And why would someone dig random holes in the sand just outside of the road?_

_“Stop the truck, private!”_

_But too late, of course it was too late. Alfie barely had time to register Castiel’s sharp command before they rolled over a landmine and it went off. The world turned into sound and white light and pain, so much pain._

_His left leg felt as if it had been run over, his tailbone had definitely taken a hit, his head spun but had most probably been saved by his helmet. Except for his right ear, which was ringing well after he thought the explosions had stopped. He could only hope he wouldn’t go deaf._

_One mine had upturned the truck, another had gone off when they landed further out, number three and four when various debris hit the ground. Castiel had heard his men scream, shrieks of pain so sharp that they felt seared into his brain._

_The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes were the blue sky, marred by a black smoke coming from somewhere to his right. He hissed in pain when he raised his arms but he had to. Had to count and move every finger, touch them to his thumb to assure himself that he still had his motor skills intact._

_Next were his legs and the right was fine if bruise but his left hurt so much a scream ripped out of his throat. Well good, at least he could still feel pain, he supposed that meant his spine was fine. Rising to his elbows he looked down only to find that his left foot was trapped (more like crushed) under one of the truck’s wheels._

_A chill went through him when he saw the bone sticking out and he realized with dawning horror that the only thing keeping his foot attached were some strands of muscle and tissue. And that if it weren’t for the wheel he would probably be bleeding out much faster._

_“It’s okay.” He mumbled to himself. “You’re alive, you’re okay.”_

_But his men, where were they? He tore his eyes away from the ghostly white of his shinbone before he could get too nauseous but what he saw around him wasn’t much better._

_To his left were Bart and Efram, the first impaled on one of the steel beams from the truck’s canopy and the other with his whole front blasted away, leaving only a bloody mess of his chest. Castiel’s breathing stuttered but he knew he had to remain calm. He had seen death before and he was the highest in command in this unit, if there was even a chance that the other two had survived he would have to keep his calm to be able to save them._

_Because who knew who had seen this blast? Or who saw the smoke now? They hadn’t been very far from the FOB but Castiel didn’t think the ones who had built this blockade would be far away either. More like, they were probably hiding somewhere, seeing how this played out._

_“Uriel?!” he yelled when he had looked around what he could see in his limited view and not found the other two. “Alfie?!”_

_He waited for what felt like an eternity, the silence only broken by the wind and a low crackling that he recognized but couldn’t place. The pain in his leg was getting unbearable, shooting up his leg like wildfire and he was very aware of what the heat and dirt could do to an open wound._

_He was just about to yell again when a weak_ “Sarge?” _caught his ear._

 _“Alfie?” he tried to turn his head and had to grit his teeth against a powerful wave of nausea as fresh pain shot up his leg. He did_ not _want to vomit right now. “Talk to me.”_

_“It hurts, sir.”_

_“What hurts? Can you move, do you see anyone else?”_

_Damn, Castiel’s ear was ringing too badly to know what volume he was speaking in and he had to strain to hear Alfie’s reply. Was it weak because the kid was injured or because Castiel’s ear was shot to hell?_

_“I see… Uriel. He… he’s next to me.”_

_Castiel swallowed hard. “Is he dead?”_

_“I want to get out, sir.”_

_“Tell me about Uriel.”_

_“He’s dead, sir! They’re all dead! We’re all dead!”_

_Castiel had to really concentrate to not snap at the young man. “Calm down, private.” He said as nicely as he could through the pain and the mounting panic. He was trained for this, though, and felt as if he could handle the situation. “Can you come to me?”_

_“I… I don’t think… I can’t feel my legs.”_

_Shit, please no. “Are you stuck?”_

_“I-I can’t move, I can’t feel_ anything _!”_

_Alfie was clearly panicking and Castiel felt helpless in a way he had never been before. If only he wasn’t stuck here._

_“It’s okay, private.” He said as steadily as he could. “It’s just shock, you have to calm down.”_

_“Sir…”_

_“We just have to remain calm and wait for the next patrol, they were thirty minutes behind us. They will be here any minute.” Hopefully before whoever made this roadblock…_

_Then, “There’s a fire, sir.”_

_Castiel’s throat closed up. “What?”_

_“The truck’s on fire. I… I can smell gasoline.”_

_Castiel looked around himself widely. The truck had been blown to pieces, what were the chances that the gas tank was in the vicinity of the supposed fire? Did it really matter? If only a few drops caught fire and could travel to the tank… And Castiel didn’t even want to think about the landmines because what were the chances that they had managed to detonate them all? Surely there were more and from down here it was harder to spot the splotches of freshly dug sand._

_“How close to you is the fire?”_

_“I can’t move, sir.” Alfie’s tone changed pitch back to the panicky one and Castiel realized the fire was probably much closer than the young man had thought. Maybe he couldn’t even feel the heat on his skin. Maybe he had to just sit there and watch as he burned to death._

_“Stay calm, private, I’m coming.”_

_Alfie did the opposite and started screaming, for Castiel, for help, for his mother. Castiel was glad then for his partial deafness. Ignoring Alfie’s terrified shrieks he sat up and pulled out his combat knife from the holster around his thigh. The blast had made him drop his immediate weapon but this knife had saved his life many times and Castiel didn’t see any reason for it to fail him now._

_What did fail him was his resolve. Looking down at his severed leg he felt bile rise up in his throat at the thought of what he was about to do. For seconds that would later feel like hours he stared down at the bloody mess of muscles and skin that was all that still kept his foot attached._

_When Alfie started screaming about his leg being on fire Castiel snapped into action. He didn’t have anything to put in his mouth but he wasn’t afraid of biting off his tongue. Instead he let the screams rip free as he hacked into his flesh, letting the knife do the work. Hack, slice, hack, slice. Just like what he had done to the fish he used to take home to Daphne when they were still married._

_His adrenaline spiked and after a moment he had gone so far into shock that he had convinced himself he didn’t feel it. He even managed to convince himself that he would be coming back for his foot after he had saved Alfie, just so it would be easier to crawl/drag himself over to the young man._

_A new scream ripped out of him when the leg finally came free and he rushed to secure his belt around the stump that was left but it did little to stop the blood from flowing. It was the best he could do for now, though, and he had to turn away with his stomach in knots._

_Around a large piece of the truck he found Alfie and Uriel still strapped in the truck’s cabin. Uriel was staring lifelessly at the scene beside him, his head having obviously cracked on the window to his right._

_It was the back part of the cabin that had caught fire, most likely the upholstery of the seat catching fire when burning parts landed on it. This close Castiel could also smell gasoline but he couldn’t see where from since the gas tank was far away from the cabin, especially since the truck had cracked in half, blowing away the part with the wheel that had crushed Castiel’s foot._

_Castiel took in all this in a few seconds and then zeroed in on Alfie. The man was still in the driver’s seat and his right leg and side were definitely affected by the fire. Alfie himself was almost delirious from fright and Castiel didn’t even waste time trying to calm him down._

_Instead he dragged himself up on his right leg, ignoring pain, ignoring the sickening feeling of his blood rushing out of the stump of his leg. He used his knife to cut the seatbelt and pulled Alfie out of the seat. Unsteady as he was, Castiel fell down with the younger man and had to spend enormous amounts of energy to try and put out the fire on Alfie’s right side while lying partway under the man._

_Alfie was crying and shaking his head while the rest of his body remained eerily still but Castiel didn’t let himself think about that. He needed to get them out of there. Suddenly all thought of other landmines went out the proverbial window and the more imminent danger of the fire took over._

_Carrying Alfie was out of the question when Castiel himself was one foot short and he didn’t have time to make a stretcher. Instead he opted to drape Alfie over his back and started dragging them back to the road, back to the last safe place._

_Alfie babbled for a long while, first from fright and then apologetically. Castiel only made half-hearted attempts at answering him, knowing full well that when his own energy ran out they would both be stranded here._

_They hadn’t gotten more than a quarter of a mile, if that, when something caught fire that shouldn’t have and what was left of the truck exploded, causing a series of new explosions and confirming Castiel’s theory about additional landmines._

_The wave from the blast washed over them and Castiel’s teeth clattered from the force of it, fresh pain washing through him. Alfie started crying again then but Castiel refused to acknowledge it and after a while the young man quieted down._

_In retrospect Castiel had known exactly when Alfie died because his bowels released and Castiel could both smell it and feel the warm wetness that spread over his back but his mind had drawn a blank at that point and he kept dragging the both of them almost robotically._

_The patrol truck found them in the middle of the road, dusty, bloody, and soiled. A horror scene to be sure and Castiel was by then as delirious as Alfie had been but Castiel survived. One foot short, he survived even when none of his men did._

 

 

“I was in a car accident when we were out on a transport mission.” Castiel said calmly and folded his hands in his lap. “I had to cut off my foot to save one of my men but in the end it was futile. They all died, everyone but me.”

When he looked up he saw the Winchesters staring at him with wide eyes. Innocent eyes.

“How could everyone die in a car accident?” Sam piped up after a silent moment.

“The accident was caused by several landmines.”

“Oh.”

“Well fuck.” Dean said heatedly. “You cut off your own _foot_?”

Castiel nodded and of course it felt as if he could feel the pain again. “It was just above the ankle but when I eventually came to a hospital they had to cut off even more because I had done such a horrible job of it and then dragged myself through sand and dirt. It was infected and I almost died but it’s okay now. It’s over and forgotten.”

“How can it ever be fucking over?”

“Dean.” Sam admonished but Dean glared at him.

“No, I don’t think that it’s something that should be forgotten okay?” he turned to Cas and put a hand on his arm. “You should wear that fake leg with pride, Cas. Like a fucking badge of honor. You _saved_ someone.”

“But he died.”

“But not from what you were trying to save him from, right?”

Castiel thought about it and yes, he supposed that Alfie in the end probably had died from injuries unrelated to the fire Castiel had dragged him out of.

“Well, when you put it like that…”

“I think Dean might be right.” Sam said thoughtfully. “You sacrificed your foot to try and save someone, who would do that?”

“Idiots?” Castiel tried to joke but he couldn’t manage to smile and the brothers didn’t look amused.

“Heroes.” Dean stated and Castiel flinched away from the word.

“They covered my hospital expenses, gave me a Purple Heart, and set me up with a disability retirement. That’s the kind of hero I am. The Disability Check Man.”

Sam looked sad but Dean just continued glaring, down at the table now. Castiel felt bad that he had ruined the mood when the boys were only trying to show their support. But he did this a lot and this was one of the reasons why he had moved out of Anna’s house. He hadn’t infected their relationship yet but he knew he would because he couldn’t see what they saw when they looked at him. And sometimes he could and he didn’t want to see it.

“Still beats Aquaman.” Dean muttered then and surprised Castiel into laughter.

It felt fresh and easy and he liked it. Liked laughing out loud for the first time in a long time and liked it even more when Dean and Sam started laughing with him.

“At least… at least Aquaman could get in the pool.” He hiccupped and this time his joke sounded like a joke and it made them laugh all over again.

Maybe now Castiel could associate telling people about his accident with this moment and it wouldn’t feel so bad. He would like that very much.

 

*****

 

Castiel was surprised two nights later when there was a knock on his door. It was well past midnight but he was up and watching a late movie and his first thought was that he had disturbed his neighbor, even though he was pretty certain that he didn’t have any next door neighbors right now. Plus he had the sound low and the walls were fairly thick, but it was his immediate reaction to mute the television anyway.

His surprise spiked when he opened the door only to find Dean standing there in his swimming trunks and a towel slung over his shoulder. He was flooded by the light from inside Castiel’s room and Castiel immediately saw the blush that adorned Dean’s nose bridge.

“Dean?” he said, half in question and half in invitation as he stepped to the side. Dean, however, remained in the door.

“I was, um, I was wondering if you wanted to take a swim.”

Castiel blinked at him. “In the middle of the night?”

Sure it was still very hot, even if the night air was cooler the humidity was still high and inside the rooms it got almost unbearably hot.

“I just thought…” Dean looked to the side. “No one would be around, you know?”

And Castiel did know then. No one would see them, it was dark outside and the pool area wasn’t very well-lit. The pool wasn’t even the newer model with underwater lighting. No one would see him or his leg. He would be safe like this.

The thought had struck him before but he had never acted on it, not very inclined to take a late night dip all alone. But with Dean coming here, with the young man going out of his way to think of a way that Castiel could use the pool and still be comfortable, well how could he say no?

“Let me change.” He said with a kind smile. “Why don’t you come in and wait on the couch?”

Dean gave him the most dazzling smile Castiel had ever seen in answer and five minutes later Castiel rejoined him in the living room. Realizing he didn’t have any trunks of his own (because he hadn’t packed any shorts at all, considering) he had eventually decided to swim in his boxer-briefs, they were basically the same anyway.

Dean turned off the TV when Castiel came out but the moment Dean’s eyes fell on Castiel he turned beet red and looked away. Castiel swallowed and tried not to let it go to his head. He was taking a big leap, letting someone out of the family see his injuries and his prosthetic leg and he was determined not to let a bad reaction ruin it. Sam and Dean had made it seem like it would be okay to talk about this and to show it and he wanted to remain in that reassuring bubble.

So when Dean turned away Castiel forced out a smile and managed to speak with a neutral tone.

“If it bothers you, you don’t have to look at it. And you can look away when I remove the leg to get in the pool.”

“What?” Dean looked completely confused for a moment. “Oh shit, you thought…?” he quickly got to his feet and crossed the distance between them. “No, I didn’t look away because of your leg, Cas. Your leg’s cool, kinda makes you look like an android.” He grinned when Castiel smiled unsurely. “I was just surprise because, uh, those aren’t swimming trunks.”

“Oh.” Castiel looked down. “No, I don’t have any. Does this bother you?”

“Nah, I mean…” Dean waved his hand and looked away again, his blush still fascinatingly strong. “If you’re cool with it, ‘s fine.”

Castiel nodded, unsure what was going on. They were both men, right? Instead of dwelling on it he just draped the towel he had brought around his shoulders and motioned to the door. Dean looked thankful and slunk ahead of Castiel out and into the water.

He was just emerging again from a dive when Castiel sat down on a patio chair and unclasped his leg. Like usual, it felt like some tension in his stump was released when he removed the prosthesis and he sighed elatedly. His doctor had told him that feeling would ease but Castiel wasn’t so sure.

He left the leg on the chair and took a moment to hide it under the towel while at the same time trying to look like he wasn’t hiding it because he knew he was being ridiculous. At his age this shouldn’t be a problem but he just didn’t want anyone finding his leg and start asking questions. Or steal it, he supposed, and managed to fool himself into thinking that that was the real reason why he hid it.

He lowered himself to the ground and shuffled over to the poolside only to startle when he noticed Dean watching him. And good Lord, the young man’s eyes were intense.

“Damn, Cas.” Dean mumbled, his mouth just barely over the waterline. “You’re fucking ripped.”

Castiel looked down at his body and while he wouldn’t go as far as calling himself “ripped” (he didn’t really have a six pack or something like that) he could admit that he had taken well care of himself. Something that was to his advantage now, his doctor had told him.

“You have to be when you’re in the army.”

Dean’s eyes tore up to meet Castiel’s and it was only then that Castiel realized Dean had been staring at the area around his lower abdomen.

“I suppose.” Dean mumbled and then turned to glide gracefully through the water. “Take it easy, the water’s pretty cool.”

“Perfect.” Castiel grinned. “I’m hot as hell.”

Dean mumbled something else but it was too low for Castiel to catch and he was on his way into the pool and too busy enjoying the water to care. It had to be almost 70 degrees still and Castiel let out a satisfied groan when he was finally mostly submerged.

He dipped his head quickly and then set out to swim. He found that it worked kind of well but he was definitely off kilter. It was fun, though, and even more so when Dean started swimming around him, goading him. They ended up splashing water at each other like some kids and it was so fun Castiel forgot everything about his stump and how weird it was to stand on one leg in the water while the other just floated there.

They tried to keep the noise level down, considering the time, and managed pretty well. That they stayed out there in the pool until the skies started turning pink with the dawning light was almost the best part of it all.

 

*****

 

Since the 4th of July had gone over kind of quietly around the Dusky Skies Motel Castiel jumped on the chance to treat the Winchester boys to something fun when the occasion arose. They had both been very kind to him and had in their own ways helped him realize he had been on a downward slope leading only to isolation.

Since his and Dean’s first swim they had repeated it almost every night, mostly by themselves but sometimes joined by Sam, and every time Castiel felt a little more comfortable in his own skin. He had been an outgoing person before the accident and he was now realizing that there was no reason he still couldn’t be, other than inane reasons he made up for himself.

His injury was after all not something shameful but just another notch in his never-ending pole of accomplishments and failures. Another milestone in his history book.

He believed strongly that he had the Winchester brothers to thank for this revelation so when Rowena told him that Chapz was having a Mexican themed evening he thought it would be nice to invite the boys out. If their father wasn’t working and wanted to join them that would be even better, he thought. He would like to know John Winchester and felt like that feeling was mutual.

He walked over to room 21 when the evening fell and prided himself in his gait, which had gone from a hobble to barely a limp. Even the pain was lessening and he thanked his swimming exercises for that, even though he supposed a part of it was his change in attitude. Even Anna had remarked favorably on it when they last spoke.

Approaching the room he saw that one window was open and he could hear voices trailing out, Sam and Dean, he realized as he came closer.

“—if that’s such a good idea.” Sam was saying and it sounded like the end of a sentence. He didn’t sound accusing but he didn’t sound happy either.

“Tell me something else I don’t fucking know.” Dean spat and Castiel stopped short at the scathing tone, one he had had never heard the young man use before. “But I gotta do it, okay? I’m going insane.”

“Dad’s gonna freak.”

“Dad’s never gonna know, alright?”

Castiel knew what people thought of eavesdropping but he remained rooted to the spot nonetheless. Dean just sounded so… so desperate.

“I’m not telling him but Dee, he’s gonna find out.” There was some ruffling and a shadow passed on the other side of the curtain. “Dean.”

Dean was leaving the conversation, Castiel realized with a strange sadness. He wished the brothers would work out whatever they were talking about. They obviously didn’t, though, because moments later he heard a door slam and Sam sighing deeply.

So much for Mexican night, he supposed, and trudged back to his own room.

 

*****

 

“Can I touch it?”

Castiel startled when Dean spoke, not having realized that the young man had swum up to where he was sitting on the pool’s edge. He had been so immersed in thinking about the argument Dean and Sam had had the evening before that he hadn’t noticed what Dean was doing. He wanted to talk to the brothers about it but how could he when he wasn’t supposed to know about it in the first place and anyhow didn’t know what it had been about? At least their relationship during the day had seemed as jovial as ever.

He looked down only to see that Dean was looking almost bashfully up at him through his wet lashes and Castiel got a weird flashback to when he and Daphne had been young and had showered together.

He smiled. “Touch what?”

Dean splashed water at him and Castiel laughed because of course he knew what Dean was talking about. He shuffled back a bit so that his stump was sticking out over the edge of the pool and Dean looked closely at it. It was kind of odd, Castiel reflected, how not uncomfortable he was with Dean so close to something he had been so ashamed of not even a month ago.

“It’s so cool that you got to keep your knee.” Dean mumbled. “It looks floppy without the prosthesis, though.”

Castiel nodded and put a hand down on his thigh, just above his knee. “Because it was cut where it was it’s difficult to bend it without a counterweight.” Dean nodded and Castiel could see him tracing the scars with his eyes. “You can touch it.” He answered then and Dean glanced up at him quickly before reaching out a hand.

He trailed his fingers along the biggest scar on the stump, the nice one that the doctor who had saved the rest of Castiel’s leg had made. Then up along one of the scars made from the accident itself. Most of those had been cut away with the destroyed tissue and even though this had meant that Castiel had lost more of his leg he was actually happy for it now. If he would have had to live with the cuts he had made himself he didn’t think he would stand to look at it at all. Now at least it felt as if all the bad that had been happened to his foot had been cut away.

“Does it hurt?” Dean asked then, his voice strangely breathless and Castiel took a moment to study the boy’s fine facial features.

“Not at all. The skin still feels a bit new and the end of the stump has to stay in the prosthesis for long periods of time so it’s sensitive but it doesn’t hurt.” He looked on as Dean put his warm hand on the stump, almost caressing it. “It feels good.”

Dean blushed furiously and Castiel only then realized what that must have sounded like. Before he could say something, though, Dean withdrew with a shaky laugh and left him feeling a bit cold.

“Thank you.” Dean said sincerely after a silent moment, which Castiel had spent trying to find the right thing to say. “I know you don’t feel awesome about it but I think it’s, um, it’s beautiful. You wear it well, Cas.”

Dean’s words warmed him and he thought that maybe with Dean he didn’t need to try so hard to find the right words, not when the young man managed so excellently by himself.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, before writng this fic: this is gonna be a _slow burn_ , nice  
> Me, after reading through this chapter: wat is dis _sleeow bjurn_? Who say dat?
> 
> Also, heads up: _eons_ ago I promised a prompter I would post something for her birthday (the 17th of October) so there will be no new chapter for this fic on Thursday next week as I have to work on that prompt. Next chapter for _Eager to please_ will be up on Sunday the 21st :D

 

 

Castiel was washing up after dinner when there was a knock on his door. Drying his hands quickly he walked over to the door, only slightly limping and if he was honest that limp was more in his head than anything else.

When he opened the door he found Dean on the other side and wasn’t very surprised. The young man often came knocking on Castiel’s door since they started having their midnight swims and by now Castiel would have been more surprised to see any of the other tenants rather than Dean.

It was, however, just slightly after seven in the evening and the sun was still high in the sky, bathing everything in hot, bright light. Nowhere near their usual swimming hour.

“Come in.” He said with a smile. “I just put away dinner but there are some leftovers if you want.”

Dean shook his head and kept it bowed as he closed the door. He didn’t walk further into Castiel’s living room/kitchen than the kitchen counter and Castiel stopped to frown in concern. He wondered if he was about to hear about Dean and Sam’s argument from the other day. Neither boy had acted differently but during the few days since Castiel had overheard them he had seen the younger boy sometimes giving Dean a look that obviously carried meaning between them.

“Is everything alright?” he asked and walked up to Dean, leaning one hand on the counter so he could lean more of his weight on his right leg. It was unnecessary to do so, his doctor had told him, and was unhealthy for the right leg. But he couldn’t help it sometimes.

“I gotta talk to you about something.” Dean mumbled, still with his head bowed. Castiel’s stomach knotted a little in nervousness and he was momentarily confused by it. Having been in many battles he was no stranger to fear and nervousness but this felt different, flutterier.

“Dean, please look at me.”

“No, I, uh, I’m kinda scared.”

Castiel frowned deeper and took a few steps closer to put a finger under Dean’s chin, raising the young man’s head to face him. Dean looked almost spooked but Castiel only smiled kindly.

“It’s just us.”

Dean swallowed (almost gulped) and looked to the side. “I gotta confess something. More like a few things. But I...” his eyes flicked down and then he met Castiel’s eyes with a headstrong gaze. “I’m afraid you’ll hate me and I can’t deal with that, okay? So,” he hugged himself and looked away again. Castiel could only stare in surprise. “So I’m gonna say what I have to say because it’s eating me alive and could you just listen?”

Castiel got a sickening feeling in the gut of his stomach. Dean wasn’t actually okay with Castiel’s leg, Dean was disgusted by him, if not by his leg then his personality. Dean thought it was Castiel’s fault that his men had died. Dean thought Castiel should have died with them, or instead of them.

 _“No,”_ Castiel thought and brushed a hand over his forehead. _“Those are my feelings, don’t push them on the kid. Let him speak his own mind, don’t project.”_

“Please, Dean, you can tell me anything.”

Castiel apparently succeeded in smiling comfortingly despite all his negative thoughts because Dean looked at him and seemed to relax marginally.

“I’m gay.”

Well that was certainly not what Castiel had been expecting.

“Um,” he started, eloquently.

“Dad and Sam knows.” Dean plowed ahead when all Castiel could do was stand there and look stupid. “I mean, everyone that I’ve ever known kind of knows, it’s not a big deal, I’m not in the closet. I just… I just have to tell you outright because, well, it’s not something that’s part of the introduction, is it? And I want you to know, so, you know, now you do.” He looked away again, blushing furiously.

Castiel was unaccustomed to Dean babbling like this and he had anyhow always been socially awkward (not to mention how rusty his people skills had gotten since he moved here). All he could think to do was put a hand on the younger man’s upper arm.

“Dean.” He said steadily and Dean swallowed visibly again. “It’s okay. Thank you for telling me, I understand that it can be difficult, but let me assure you that you will receive no scorn from me. I still think you’re a wonderful person, why wouldn’t I?”

Dean drew a shuddering breath but didn’t sound unsteady when he spoke. “You sure you’re okay with it?”

“Of course I am.” Castiel smiled again, feeling much better now. “I had men in my unit who were homosexual and there was nothing odd with that. I’ve never felt that a person’s love interests should color them negatively.” He felt satisfied when Dean smiled a little at him. “I’m sorry you felt there was a risk I would condemn you for it, though, the military has a bad reputation when it comes to sexuality and I’m sad to say not everything is false.”

Dean coughed. “I’m not done.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wasn’t half as scared to come out to you as I am of what I’m gonna say next but… but I gotta, okay?” he cleared his throat and tightened his arms around himself. “I gotta start putting some distance between us.”

That dread was slowly coming back, emanating from his stomach. “Why…?”

“I mean, we’re moving as soon as dad gets a house anyway.” Dean continued, a little louder. “Hopefully before Sam starts school, you know? And that’s pretty soon, so I thought it wouldn’t matter as much.”

Of course Castiel had known the Winchesters would move out soon and he knew he would miss the company but he also knew that he was getting better (much thanks to them) and that he would be going back to Anna soon anyway. They would part ways and it would be sad but there wasn’t much too it.

What Dean was talking about felt different, though. _“Putting some distance”_ sounded deliberate rather circumstantial and he didn’t like how it made him feel. 

“But, why?” he asked again and Dean looked up at him from under his lashes.

“Because I’m in love with you.” Time froze for a second and then Dean blushed crimson and pushed on even though Castiel remained frozen. “I know it’s no use, I don’t expect you to reciprocate, I understand that it will make you uncomfortable. So I,” he drew a new shuddering breath, deeper this time. “I gotta put distance between us because it’s painful, you know? I can’t hang out with you when I’m not allowed to… to _have_ you.” He looked away. “Sam told me I shouldn’t tell you why because it would make everything weird but I couldn’t start acting cold without explaining myself, I told him that would be hurtful, that you would misinterpret it and think it had something to do with your leg or backstory and it really hasn’t.” He met Castiel’s eyes again and Castiel’s heart thudded to life when he saw how watery Dean’s wonderfully green eyes were. “I’m in love with you but I can’t have all of you so I’d rather have none. Please don’t hate me for being weak.”

He started to turn away but Castiel put his hand back on Dean’s upper arm and stopped him gently.

“I… I just don’t understand?” Castiel felt stupid as soon as the words had left his mouth and Dean looked at him with confusion.

“Which part?”

“I-I mean…” Castiel wasn’t used to stuttering. “I’m so _old_. I’m old enough to be your father, I’m,” he looked wide-eyed at Dean, who still looked mildly confused. “I’m _older_ than your father.” John Winchester hadn’t even turned 50, Castiel had been graciously informed by Rowena on the Winchesters’ second week here.

Dean looked like he was about to start laughing but then he covered his mouth with his hand and turned away his face.

“ _That’s_ your first thought? The age difference?”

“Wouldn’t anyone think about that?” Castiel asked, astonished.

Dean glanced at him from the corner of his eye. “The usual polite answer would be ‘thank you but I’m not gay so no thank you’, not ‘I’m too old’.” He huffed out a laugh when Castiel was too slow to catch up. “So I’m guessing you’re at least not disgusted, thank you Cas.”

But Dean was still leaving, wasn’t he? He was still pulling away, was still thinking that he had to put distance between them to be able to get over Castiel because a romance between the two was impossible.

Castiel let go of Dean’s arm and leaned against the counter again. “I’ve never looked twice at another man.” He said calmly, quietly. Dean stopped and turned back to him again. “Not because of any reason but because I just…” he shrugged. “I just didn’t. I dated women and I liked it. I had a high school sweetheart and after we had finished high school and broke it off I met my wife.” He smiled dejectedly. “My ex-wife.”

“Cas…”

Castiel shook his head but couldn’t quite bring himself to meet Dean’s eyes, not yet. Not with this strange fire burning in his mind, throughout his body, behind his eyes.

“She divorced me almost ten years ago. We were married 25 years but she was right in leaving me. She told me I was more married to the army than to her and she was not wrong. Being a soldier means, _can_ mean, being away from home a lot and she knew that. But there has to be a breaking point and we reached it, I made my choice and there’s no resentment.” He looked up then, got almost blinded with the intensity in Dean’s eyes. “My point is that I’m not gay, not that I know of, not in the least. I would, however, like to kiss you.”

Dean’s whole body jerked and he was back to blushing prettily. “R-really?”

Castiel hardly understood it himself. “But I won’t, that would be too cruel.” He smiled kindly, tilting his head to the side when Dean looked flustered. “You’ve just shared something immensely important with me, I won’t tarnish it with some silly experiment. You said you’re in love with me, I cannot let that prompt an experimental phase in me, not with you. To use you in such a way would be cruel beyond belief.”

Dean looked shaky but his voice was steady. “But you want to kiss me?”

God help him, he really did.

“I don’t want you to leave me, not like Daphne did. I was married to her for almost half my life but I didn’t feel half as sad over her leaving me as I felt just now, at the prospect of you turning your back on me. It has to count for something.”

“Women come and go, friends last forever?” Dean suggested in a questioning, breathless tone and Castiel smiled indulgently.

“Perhaps. But your father finding a house and moving away with you would also mean me losing Sam and I do not feel inclined whatsoever to lay a hand on him.”

“Maybe…” Dean looked away, shy and ashamed. “Maybe you would’ve if he confessed…?”

“He’s a child.” Castiel said calmly and once again tilted Dean’s head back so their eyes could meet. “But so are you. You haven’t even left your teenage years and I couldn’t ever hurt you. I am the adult and I must act accordingly.”

Dean looked angry all of a sudden, pushing Castiel’s hand off him not too kindly. “Just because I’m young don’t mean I don’t understand my feelings. I’ve had boyfriends before and I’m not a virgin. I admit that the age gap is huge but fuck, I just…” he seemed to steel himself. “I love you, I get a thrill when I think about holding your hand, I pleasure myself to thoughts of you. I _want_ you to kiss me.”

Castiel felt a little lightheaded. If nothing else, Dean could be incredibly erotic in his language.

“I’m afraid that I’ll end up not being able to give you what you deserve.”

“I don’t care. I don’t care even if it’s just a pity kiss born from your fear of being left behind.” Dean stated determinedly, more like his usually brash self. “I came here expecting nothing but perhaps to be mocked or hated, if you’re about to give me a kiss, _any_ kiss, then I want it.” He stepped closer, into Castiel’s personal space. He smelled of the sun and chlorine and Castiel’s head was spinning. “I’m not expecting anything more, I’m okay with you kissing me to see what it’s like and then stepping away. Just…” his eyes zeroed in on Castiel’s lips. “I want a kiss.” He repeated breathlessly and Castiel was starting to like it when Dean’s voice sounded like that. In fact, now that he thought about it he had heard it before. When Dean was touching his stump, for example.

He put his hand on Dean’s cheek and caressed the cheekbone with his thumb.

“In that case, please forgive me for taking advantage.” He said in a murmur and Dean’s eyes fluttered shut as Castiel bent down to close the distance.

He was incredibly aware that he was kissing a person who, in his eyes, was basically a child but he pushed that feeling to the side. Because the fact was that Dean was an adult in the eyes of the law and perfectly capable of making his own decisions.

And as soon as their lips touched all other thoughts went out the window except the feeling of Dean’s incredibly soft lips against his. Dean made a hushed sound but remain submissive, completely giving Castiel control of the kiss and while he understood why it only made him want more.

He pulled away a hair’s breadth, took a moment to sort his jumbled thoughts, and the dove back in again. This time the kiss was firmer, more controlled, and Dean actually made a little sound close to a moan. It felt wonderful to feel Dean’s lips under his and when Castiel tilted his head to the side, Dean did the same and then their lips were moving against one another. Soft bumps turning faster and firmer by the second. Dean fisted Castiel’s t-shirt and Castiel slid his hand back to cup Dean’s neck.

They gravitated closer and when their knees knocked together Castiel pulled out only to look down and see the perfect picture of debauchery on Dean’s beautiful face. He licked his lips and Dean watched with hooded eyes, licking his own.

It would only be better when wet, Castiel knew, and he couldn’t stop himself from going in again. Dean moaned outright now and when their tongues slid together he slotted himself firmly against Castiel’s larger body.

There wasn’t even a battle for control, Dean just submitted again, letting Castiel’s tongue lead the dance and it felt wonderful. Dean tasted very fresh, his sounds were marvelous, and the feel of his body and mouth was intoxicating. Castiel gripped the back of his neck firmer and put his other hand on the young man’s lower back, making Dean buck against him.

And that was the moment that Castiel first understood what that hardness he had felt pressing against his pelvis was. Of course he knew, of course he had known as soon as they lined up their bodies, but he hadn’t registered it before Dean groaned into the kiss and rutted his prominent erection against Castiel’s body.

He pulled out of the kiss, surprised at how long he had let it go on and confused by the rushing arousal in his body that urged him to continue even more. Dean actually _whined_ when the kiss broke off and he looked at Castiel with lust-blown pupils.

“Please, Cas.” He rasped, his voice sending pleasant chills down Castiel’s spine. “I know I said no expectations but fuck, I wa-want just _one_ more.”

One more kiss? Castiel wanted to see what happened if they continued until the end. What would even be the end?

He pulled Dean into another kiss with the hand he had on the younger man’s neck and Dean moaned again, sounding satisfied with the development. Castiel really liked how vocal Dean was and some primal part of him wanted to see what other sounds he could coax out of the man.

He spun them around so that Dean was against the counter and without any prompting, Dean jumped up on it so that Castiel could slot between his open legs. That position was definitely an improvement and Castiel hummed with satisfaction as he felt Dean grind his hard dick against him. Castiel’s own dick was taking an interest, slow to wake up as it was nowadays it was definitely getting there and while Castiel was incredibly surprised by this turn of events he could only feel pleased right now.

Dean was suddenly making very urgent noises and he was pulling harshly on Castiel, almost desperately. His body was quivering in Castiel’s embrace and his kisses were turning sloppy.

“Cas.” He moaned out on some breaths. “Feels so fucking good, Cas.”

Castiel could do nothing but agree. It was true that it had been a long time since he had had sex but he couldn’t quite remember it being this intense. Dean felt hot, feverish almost, and the face he was making was definitely rivalling even the most erotic dream Castiel had ever had.

Suddenly Dean tore away from the kiss. “Fuck, Cas, _fuck_ —” he moaned deeply, his whole body shaking. “I c-can’t hold…”

Castiel couldn’t keep still and bent in to kiss Dean just under his ear. This made Dean seize up and then he bucked harshly, groaning deeply and hiding his face against Castiel’s neck. And Castiel could do nothing but stand there and feel stupid because what he thought was happening right now couldn’t actually be happening, right?

“Dean?” he murmured when the young man finally stopped jerking and relaxed in Castiel’s arms. “Are you okay?”

“Fucking hell.” Dean groaned and sat back. “You’re too fucking good at kissing, Cas.”

“I…” Castiel surprised the both of them by chuckling. “It made you ejaculate?”

“ _You_ made me come, don’t laugh you ass.” Dean pushed at Castiel’s shoulder but it was too light and his tone was too playful for Castiel to care about it.

“I just…” he shook his head, feeling the astonishment settle in. “I’ve never done that before.”

“Good for you, I guess.” Dean grumbled but he smiled when Castiel looked at him. “At least now I hope you believe me when I say I’m into you. You’re not too old to make me come in my pants like the teenager I am, okay?”

This made Castiel sober up somewhat. “Dean, I… I’m surprised by what happened here, I can’t lie. I never would have thought that you could or would develop such feelings for me and I never would have thought that I would enjoy kissing a man. But here we are and,” he nodded to himself, relishing Dean’s wide eyes on him. “And it was good.”

“Yeah.” Dean said, breathless all over again. “Yeah it fucking was.”

“I don’t know if me liking it has to do with dormant homosexual tendencies or if I’m simply drawn to you but I know that I would like to do it again, if you would be inclined to.”

He felt insane for suggesting it but at the same time it felt liberating to step outside of the lines. Sergeant Major Novak wouldn’t have taken advantage of a situation like this but he wasn’t Sergeant Major Novak anymore. At Anna’s he was Cassie and needed help showering and here he was Cas, who apparently kissed neighbor boys who confessed to him.

It felt wild and exhilarating and judging by Dean’s smug expression he was definitely liking this side of Castiel.

“So you liked it, did you?” Dean asked suggestively and Castiel felt his waning erection twitch.

“Much more than I thought I would.”

“And you’d like to continue?”

Castiel thought it over for a moment. “I don’t want you to think that I’m toying with you.” He said seriously and Dean looked somberly at him. “But I do admit that I want to continue spending time with you and that I would like some of that time to include more sessions like this.”

Who knew, with time he might even grow to reciprocate Dean’s love for him? He was obviously already infatuated with the man for being able to do this. Castiel knew of a lot of people who could have sex with just anyone but Castiel also knew he wasn’t like that. That being said he was fairly certain Dean already held a special place in Castiel’s mind as well as heart.

“I would like that too.” Dean murmured sweetly and Castiel felt his heart thump hard as he took in the man’s blushing features.

Yes, that this infatuation could lead to deep affection was definitely not inconceivable.

 

*****

 

Dean had left to tell Sam where he would be spending the main part of his evening and he was gone long enough for Castiel to completely freak out. He wasn’t very accustomed to freaking out, though, so he mostly spent the time sitting the couch, staring at the black TV-screen.

By the time Dean returned, Castiel had gone over every option available to him and come to the conclusion that he had made all the wrong choices but that it had felt wonderful. All his life he had been proper and correct, maybe losing his foot could be the turning point for him to start acting a bit crazy and selfish?

Looking at Dean as the boy approached him he started regretting that thought, however. Because him being selfish could possibly hurt Dean and Castiel didn’t want to be a part of that. He wanted to keep seeing Dean smile just like this; a little shy and a lot happy.

“I told Sammy we’d be staying inside for now, no swimming tonight.”

Castiel swallowed dryly. “What did he say?”

“I didn’t tell him about what happened but he knew what I was coming over to say and he’s smart so I bet he’s got something figured out. It’s okay, though, he won’t say anything.” Dean’s smile widened and he slid closer on the couch. “I mean, not even we know what we’re doing, better not involve other people, right?”

Dean was protecting him, Castiel realized with a dull thud. Dean would rather be miserable than expose Castiel before he was ready and that wasn’t right. Dean shouldn’t have to put his happiness on hold because of Castiel’s needs, Castiel should be the one to protect him.

“Dean.” He started and felt comforted by the steadiness in his voice. “We shouldn’t do this.”

Dean looked like Castiel had punched him. In an instant his smile drained away and he hunched in on himself, withdrawing from Castiel and taking all warmth with him.

“I-I know.” He mumbled. “You don’t really want to, I know that. I guess,” he smiled but it was obvious he was forcing himself. “I guess I just got my hopes up but it’s okay, I knew this was the—”

“Dean.” Castiel turned to the young man and grabbed his hands but Dean looked away all the same. “I’m not saying I don’t want to try this but what if I can’t in the end and I hurt you? I don’t want to hurt you, Dean. And just now, just now you were willing to withhold truth from your family for my sake, I don’t want you to have to live like that.”

Dean pulled away slowly. “I was just saying that because we haven’t tried this out yet. If we really get together I will tell them, I’m not ashamed.”

“But how can we?” Castiel carded a hand through his hair when Dean looked at him with near-irritation.

“How can we what?”

“Tell them? Would your father and Sam really be fine with you engaging in a relationship with someone like me?”

Dean frowned deeply and Castiel felt desperate to explain himself. “What are you talking about? I told you they’re fine with me being gay.”

“I’m not talking about gender.” Castiel said, frustrated. “I mean the age. Your father—”

“I get it.” Dean said loudly, quieting Castiel’s feeble arguments. “Dad’s younger than you, if anything it would be you and him fucking around, right? But you know what, you _look_ younger and better than him, so if we’re being superficial that’s a win in my favor, don’t you think?”

“I…”

“Or maybe you’d rather have that cougar who’s nosing after you?” Dean rose to his feet, suddenly looking much older and very angry. Castiel could only blink at him, not understanding what he was talking about. Cougar? “Maybe you’d just want me as stress-relief, huh? Don’t know how to approach her but here I am throwing myself at you, why not get some? A hole’s a hole, Cas.”

Suddenly angered too, Castiel reached and grabbed Dean’s right arm. Giving a mighty tug, he pulled Dean down and the young man ended up straddling Castiel’s lap.

“Don’t talk about yourself like that.” Castiel growled and instead of responding with more anger (like Castiel had anticipated), Dean made a soft sound and wrapped his arms around Castiel’s neck, pressing closer and hiding his face.

“I want you to want me, Cas.” Dean mumbled lowly. “But I get that you might not, just tell me which it is so I won’t get my head up in the clouds for nuthin’.”

Castiel leaned back against the couch, hugging Dean tightly. “I might be overthinking this.”

“First time being gay might do that to your head. And I admit that the age difference threw me for a loop too but I had time to adjust.” Dean pulled out and looked almost shyly at Castiel. “I guess I kinda sprung it on you.”

Castiel couldn’t help but smile. “That you did.”

Dean returned a nervous smile. “I kinda fell in love with you that night when you gave me that beer but I guess you didn’t notice.”

Castiel had most certainly _not_ noticed and he wondered if that was because he was self-absorbed, an airhead, or if it was a little homophobic of him to never even entertain the idea that someone of the same sex could fancy him.

For one, he had sometimes noticed Rowena looking appreciatively at him but he hadn’t thought to act on that simply because he didn’t want to. Maybe Dean had been looking at him with similar eyes and he had been too stupid to notice? Maybe telling everyone else wouldn’t be so hard because everyone else already knew and Castiel had been the last to understand? For some reason that felt a bit exciting.

“Oh you mean Rowena?”

Dean stiffened and narrowed his eyes. “What?”

Castiel of course realized his bad timing as soon as he had spoken but he could do nothing about it right now but grin.

“When you talked about a cougar, you meant Rowena, didn’t you?”

Dean was definitely pulling out of the embrace, his knees pressing in against Castiel’s hips as he put his weight on them.

“What if I was? I fucking pour my heart out here, Cas, and you’re thinking about her?”

Castiel chuckled and pulled Dean closer again, making the young man loose his balance. “I was actually thinking about how nice it would be if everyone knew how you felt for me.”

“O-oh?” Dean looked away when Castiel tried to meet his eyes, an attractive blush spreading over his face.

“Actually I’m starting to think it would be nice if everyone knew how I’m feeling as well.”

Dean swallowed so hard Castiel could hear his throat clicking. “And how are you feeling?”

“Like I might need more time to understand _exactly_ how I’m feeling but that whatever it is, it’s something nice.” He craned his neck so he could nose along Dean’s cheek and ear. “I like this.”

Dean’s ear was red and very hot. “I like it too.” He mumbled and fisted Castiel’s t-shirt.

“How about we try and see where it leads?”

“Only if you promise to stop freaking the fuck out over our ages.”

Castiel chuckled again. “Deal. I’ll save my freaking out for when we have sex and I’ll feel like a virgin all over again and be afraid of hurting you.”

“Sounds good.” Dean grinned. “Hey, you wanna lie down for a bit?”

“Speaking of sex?” Castiel said with a wry smile but Dean just laughed at him.

“Nah, I’m just a bit shaky.”

And Castiel understood that. Hell, he was a bit shaky himself so he just nodded and motioned for Dean to get up first. Dean was graceful as he rolled off Castiel’s lap and then the couch and it was an effortless grace of youth that Castiel could only admire.

Dean sprawled out in the middle of the bed and grinned cheekily at Castiel as he shuffled closer. He just shook his head with a fond smile and sat down on the edge. He was just contemplating taking off his leg because it would be more comfortable for him but might make Dean uncomfortable, when Dean surprised him by moving so fast Castiel almost didn’t notice it until he was draped over Castiel’s back, his face against Castiel’s neck.

“If you wanna take it off I’m more than okay with it. I love you just the way you are.”

Castiel felt as if his chest was too tight. “It’s amazing how you manage to read my mind like this.” He mumbled and bent down to snap off the prosthesis. “I like it.”

Dean hummed in agreement (sounding very satisfied, actually) and when Castiel indicated that he wanted to be on his right side, Dean easily rolled around so that Castiel ended up spooning him from behind. And it felt so right that Castiel at first couldn’t believe what was happening.

After some shuffling he had one arm under Dean’s head and the other resting on the young man’s hip, his hand flat against Dean’s stomach. Dean put a hand over Castiel’s and sighed contently, resting back against the older man’s chest.

It was hot, of course, since it was still very hot outside. Castiel had the bedroom window cracked open and the air that drifted in was humid but the few and small bursts of fresh air was nice nonetheless.

Castiel felt strangely at peace being in bed with Dean like this. His felt his whole body relax and he enjoyed feeling Dean’s steady breathing and scenting the young man’s hair. Dean stayed mostly still and seemed as content as Castiel and it made Castiel think that this definitely was something he could get used to, although a thought did occurred to him.

“Did you perhaps want to be the big spoon?” he murmured against Dean’s head and the young man’s body twitched almost as if he had fallen asleep.

“Not really.” He answered with amusement. “We’re you afraid that you had offended me by assuming a gender stereotypical role?”

There was still amusement in Dean’s tone and his question took Castiel aback for a moment.

“I… I actually think I was.”

Dean chuckled and turned his head a little to peer up at Castiel. “It’s okay, you don’t have to think like that around me. Here’s all you gotta know,” he threaded his fingers with Castiel’s and hugged their combined hands to his chest. “If I like it I wanna do it and if I don’t like it I will say so. And also not do it.”

“That’s a surprisingly simple and refreshing philosophy.” Castiel said with nothing short of adoration in his tone. Dean cleared his throat and appeared bashful all of a sudden.

“Besides, I was the one to turn on my side. I should be the one asking you if you wanna be the little spoon.”

That made Castiel chuckle and he hugged Dean closer, enjoying the feeling of Dean’s entire body against his. “I’m very comfortable here.”

“Good.”

Castiel’s heart fluttered in a way he was unaccustomed to when he heard the smugness in Dean’s tone and he thought that yes, it was very good indeed.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to get a bit frisky! :D   
> I mean, you didn’t think the Sergeant Major would be able to keep it chaste forever with Dean around, did you? XD

 

 

Spooning with Dean quickly became one of Castiel’s favorite things to do.

He was soft and warm, always eager to cuddle up and when Castiel had to change positions to elevate various aches Dean just rolled with him and snuggled right up. He made soft little sounds of happiness and would sometimes kiss Castiel’s hand. And he smelled _so good_.

During the days they would hang out with Sam as usual, the boys sometimes swimming and sometimes spending the whole day with Castiel. They would play cards, sometimes joined by Mrs. Moseley and Pepper. Dean would go on supply runs to the local grocery store, Gregg’s Food, and sometimes Castiel joined him rather than taking the bus there. Once Dean took him and Sam to IHOP in Artesia and John joined them there.

They also went on drives through Artesia, scouting out the high school Sam would go to when fall came and when John wanted to show Sam and Dean a house he was interested in, Dean convinced Castiel to join them and somehow it didn’t feel awkward. John didn’t know anything about the turn in Dean and Castiel’s relationship, of course, and seemed to accept Castiel as a friend of the family.

Castiel secretly thought that John was too lenient with his boys and the company they chose to keep but since he was part of that company he didn’t say anything. He wanted to try this out with Dean and was just about to come to terms with the socially unaccepted part of it, but he needed a little more time before telling anyone else about it would be possible. Dean seemed to accept it as long as Castiel kept accepting him into his bed, which by now was a given.

Not that they had done much, not since that first kiss. They had mostly cuddled, only occasionally shared some kisses, and Castiel mostly thought that was his fault. He kept overthinking it and ended up not knowing how to hold Dean. He thought it was fine for now but had already started to feel his dormant libido waking up. Because the truth was that while Dean was definitely a _man_ he was still extremely erotic, and Castiel got a little more excited every time he thought back on how Dean had looked and sounded as he came in his pants during their kiss.

“Where from Texas?”

Castiel was drawn from his peaceful (although light) slumber when Dean suddenly spoke up. He did that a lot, staying quiet for long periods of time and then suddenly asking something about Castiel. Usually that prompted a conversation that Castiel later would end up treasuring very much so he didn’t mind Dean breaking the quiet.

“Elgin.” He answered in a soft murmur. “Just east of Austin.”

Dean hummed and wriggled a little in Castiel’s arms. It wasn’t very late yet but they had left Sam alone right after dinner, Dean making eyes at Castiel that Castiel quickly had learned meant he wanted to be alone. Sam didn’t seem to mind, even though John was away for most of the day and often late into the night. Though Castiel supposed Sam and Dean usually spent a whole lot of time together and that it could be nice for the teenager to be without his brother as well.

“Is that where your sister lives?”

“She does, with her husband and two kids.” Castiel smiled when memories of those two rugrats came to mind. “Beautiful kids.”

“So were you living with them before coming here? Because of the operation, I mean?”

Because living by himself after such a surgery could be tough. Because dealing with the physical therapy on his own could be even tougher. Because of PTSD and showering with only one foot and making his own food when he was almost bed-bound that first week.

“I did, but it wasn’t as much because of the accident as for the fact that I don’t have another home.” Dean wriggled some more and Castiel could almost imagine his confused frown. He hugged the man tighter and smiled against Dean’s soft hair. “I let my wife take the house in the divorce and since I’ve been deployed most of the time I haven’t bothered with finding anything else. I lived with Anna every time I was in the States even before the accident.”

“Oh.” Dean was quiet for a while and then huffed out a sigh. “I hope she paid for your half?”

“Not at all, I told her to take it. It and the car and the furniture.”

“Why?”

Dean didn’t sound half as condescending or angry as Anna and her husband had been. “Because it was the right thing to do. I’m not wont for money, and her reason for wanting to leave me was legitimate. We weren’t in love anymore and I had let that happen.”

“Relationships are a two-way street.” Dean muttered and wriggled even more, almost squirmed.

“That’s true.” Castiel conceded easily. When he put his hand on Dean’s stomach he definitely felt the younger man stiffen for a second. “And let’s just say that I let her drive alone for far too long.”

Dean hummed again, agreeing from the sound of it. He was moving again, his legs alternating between stiffening and relaxing. His stomach twitched when Castiel caressed it over his t-shirt.

“Ha-have you always lived in Elgin?”

Castiel thought he knew what was going on now but he also enjoyed teasing Dean, a trait he never had exhibited with past lovers.

“Are you asking if my parents were from Elgin?”

“I g-guess.” Dean’s hips twitched and Castiel could see him fisting the pillow under his head.

“No, both me and Anna are from Austin.” He answered calmly, although he was unable to keep the smile out of his voice. “We moved when we left home, I because I met Daphne in Elgin and Anna a couple of years later because of her job.”

“That’s nice.” Dean all but gasped. “What’s—?”

“Dean.” Castiel interrupted with his most authoritative voice. “Is there something you would like to tell me?”

“I-I dunno…?”

Castiel huffed out a chuckle and sat up on his elbow, easily rolling Dean to his back so that their eyes could meet and so that Castiel got visual evidence of what he had suspected. He grinned down at the obvious erection tenting Dean’s jeans shorts and when he met Dean’s eyes, the young man looked positively mortified.

“Something about this?”

“I didn’t mean to.” Dean rasped and it made Castiel frown in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

Dean looked to the side, shy as he usually got when they engaged in anything remotely sexual. “I didn’t mean to get hard and ruin everything.” He glanced back at Castiel but Castiel was too slow to understand so he just continued. “I really like spooning, okay? Like, a lot. Like, not only sexually but it’s just…” he shrugged as best he could on his back on the bed. “It’s nice. You’re big and strong, and you smell great, makes me feel safe. But…” he looked down at his still very interested dick. “But also sexually, you know? _Because_ you’re big and strong and smell great.”

Castiel’s mouth felt a little dry. God, Dean could be erotic without even trying and Castiel couldn’t really believe he hadn’t seen it before. Or maybe he had but he hadn’t been consciously aware of it.

“Does this happen often?” he asked in a low murmur and put his hand on Dean’s stomach, just shy of his bulge.

“Every time.” Dean mumbled and met Castiel’s eyes boldly. “Every time we spoon but, um, I try to will it away because I don’t wanna ruin the mood.”

 _“Every time_ , _”_ Castiel thought with astonishment. Though it was true that he most definitely found himself aroused basically every time they spent hugging so closely so okay, if he had been younger then yes he probably would have been sporting a matching erection more often than not. But still, to think that his mere proximity did this to someone like Dean, it was intoxicating.

“Well,” he started in an intimate rumble. Dean’s eyes widened and Castiel liked the look. “I would rather say that this only enhances the mood, don’t you think? Actually,” he gently cupped Dean’s dick, making the young man arch his back smoothly. “I would like for you to show me every time this happens.”

Dean fisted the sheets in one hand and put the other on Castiel’s chest, neither pulling nor pushing but rather just touching seemingly for the sake of touching.

“Really?” he asked and Castiel wanted to question Dean’s insecurity when his dick was straining against Castiel’s hand but he realized he was the cause of this.

With a smile he bent down to kiss Dean thoroughly and a little owning. Dean moaned his pretty moan and grabbed a tight hold on Castiel’s t-shirt.

“This is my fault.” He murmured sweetly against Dean’s trembling lips. “You’re doubting my attraction to you because I made it too blatantly clear that I haven’t desired a man before.” He kissed Dean quickly to shut up the man’s protests. “And since then,” he continued, massaging Dean’s dick now. “I haven’t done much to show you that you’re the exception to that, that I actually desire _you_. I’m sorry, sweetheart, I’ll make it up to you.”

Dean whined and thrust up against Castiel’s light grip. “You don’t have to.” He gasped, his eyes wide and a little watery. “I’m fine with what we have, I jus-just want you to _see_ me.”

Castiel’s heart thumped almost painfully. “I see you quite clearly, Dean.” He rumbled, making the young man moan again. “And I _like_ it.”

“Cas.” Dean gasped, his head thrown back and there was really nothing for Castiel to do but bend down and kiss the man’s exposed throat.

He was suddenly filled with an almost primal urge to lick and bite, to _mark_ Dean’s smooth skin, and he growled as he contained himself. He wanted it but he would never do it without asking Dean first, not when the man was still living with his parent and their relationship was a secret.

“Tell me how you like it, Dean.” He murmured, much more demandingly than he usually was in bed. But he couldn’t help it, not when Dean was trembling in his arms and gasping so beautifully. “Tell me what you want done to you.”

Dean looked at him with eyes full of tears and blown pupils and Castiel realized with a start that he got turned on by Dean’s pleading face. Got off on making Dean gasp for him, making Dean desperate for his touches.

“T-touch me.” Dean pressed out in a voice strangled by arousal. “Want your hand on my dick.”

Yes, Castiel could do that and he needed to stop his quite frankly perverted thoughts before this got out of hand.

“Are you sure?” too bad just looking at the erotic picture Dean made right now made all reason go out the window. “There are so many things we could do, aren’t there?” he sat up a little more and helped Dean out of his t-shirt.

“Can’t right now, Cas.” Dean almost whined and yes, that tone was shooting straight to Castiel’s groin. “Please let me come.”

 _“Let him?”_   Why wouldn’t Castiel let him? But of course there were so many things they could do that could prolong the process and Castiel realized with sudden clarity that he wanted to do them all to Dean. _With_ Dean. But not this time, of course not, not without proper consent.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart.” He murmured and unbuttoned Dean’s shorts, pulling them off together with the underwear when Dean elevated his butt to help. “I’ll take care of you.”

He wrapped his hand around Dean’s dick and yes, it was odd touching another man’s erect dick but it was also familiar and Dean anyhow made the most sublime sound Castiel had ever heard and wiped away all (if any) doubts about whether he could do this or not. He had always liked vocal lovers but none could compare to Dean and how the man made Castiel feel.

“Cas.” Dean groaned. “Want you.”

“How, sweetheart?” Castiel murmured. “My hand, my mouth? Only your dick? I’ve heard of rim jobs but I’ve never participated in one, would that be something you’d like?”

Dean stared up at him with wide eyes and he was beautiful. His hair dark with sweat, the same sweat making his body almost glisten. His green eyes filled with new tears, no doubt born from sexual frustration but also emotional overload. He had fisted the pillow and his whole body rolled in sinuous arches as Castiel kept stroking him leisurely. Quite frankly he made the perfect pornographic picture and Castiel was hard as a rock and thankful that his linen trousers were generous around the groin.

“You’d-you’d eat me out?” his voice was almost vibrating with arousal and Castiel swallowed with an audible click.

“I’ve licked a lot of women and I’ve enjoyed it, since you only have one hole I imagine that would be where I would lick you, wouldn’t it?”

Dean’s dick twitched, expanding in a way only all too familiar to Castiel and he gripped him tighter, stroking faster.

“Fuck.” Dean moaned, high-pitched. “Fuck I want that.”

“Me too.” Castiel confessed in a voice made gravelly from his own arousal. “I’ve always loved pleasuring my lovers with my mouth and you…” he shifted, stretching out beside Dean again, not stopping his stroking as he kissed Dean’s gasping mouth. “You’re by far the most beautiful one. Just look at how well you respond to me.”

“Cas…”

“I never want you to hide this side from me, Dean. Show me everything and let me love all of you.”

“Cas, I need to…”

“Yes.” He agreed in a rumble, pausing to swipe his thumb over the leaking head. “Come, Dean.”

Dean threw his head back, moaning, and a handful strokes later he came hard all over his own chest. He pulled his legs up and out, Castiel could see his toes curling, and he scrunched his eyes up while his mouth opened on a silent scream. Yes, Castiel had definitely described Dean correctly.

“Exquisite.” He murmured lovingly as he helped Dean through his orgasm, finding that it wasn’t all that different from finishing off himself. He could feel the signs that Dean’s dick was getting overly sensitive long before Dean even had to say something and he smiled up at Dean when the young man eventually pried his eyes open. “Hey there.”

“Fucking hell.” Dean exclaimed in a small laughter. “I can’t believe how hard I came from just a hand-job.”

Castiel smiled, feeling way too smug with himself. “I can’t remember ever being this aroused with so little direct stimuli.”

That certainly made Dean snap to attention and he turned almost predatory eyes on Castiel. The change from his previously so submissive attitude threw Castiel off kilter and he felt a surge of pleasure zing through him.

“Are you hard?”

“Are you kidding?” Castiel chuckled and rolled to his back, wiping his hand on his t-shirt. “I’ve been hard since I discovered you were hard.”

Dean looked like a wild animal for a second there and then suddenly he was up, rolling over to straddle Castiel’s legs and putting his hands on Castiel’s hips.

“Lemme suck you.”

Castiel could do nothing but blink stupidly for a moment. His dick twitched hard, drawing Dean’s eyes, which of course made his dick twitch even more.

“Do you want to?”

Dean looked at him like he was an idiot, which was strangely adorable considering that Dean was sitting naked on Castiel’s thighs, his own dick still half-hard and his chest covered in his own semen.

“What images do you think I get off to when I leave here? That I’ve thought about ever since I first realized what I felt for you wasn’t fatherly adoration but fucking carnal lust.”

Castiel swallowed (gulped, more like). “I would very much like to feel your beautiful lips around me, Dean.”

Dean looked predatory once again and Castiel could feel some precome escaping his bobbing dick.

“Good.” Dean purred and shimmed down the bed to get in position.

Castiel spread his legs and tried not to be conscious of the fact that one was shorter than the other. Dean certainly didn’t seem bothered by it but seemed more focused on removing Castiel’s trousers. He pulled on the drawstring and then helped as much as he could with pulling the trousers down enough for Castiel’s balls and dick to pop free.

They did so with a bob and Dean seemed fine with leaving the trousers on just below and Castiel couldn’t honestly care less. Not when Dean’s face was suddenly so close to his dick and when the young man licked his lips so enticingly.

Unlike Dean, Castiel’s dick was cut but Dean didn’t seem bothered by that, just like Castiel hadn’t reflected on how Dean’s foreskin rolled as he stroked the man. Castiel did reflect that while his own dick was average, Dean’s was actually a little above and he wondered briefly if he should be bothered by that. If that was common between homosexual men to talk about, if that somehow decided who was supposed to top and who to bottom? Come to think of it, he hadn’t even asked Dean which position he preferred or if they really had to choose only one.

He was just about ask to when Dean grabbed his dick and promptly swallowed the head, making Castiel’s mind go blank and his senses zero in on his dick and the pleasure that burned white-hot through him as Dean bobbed his head.

“Tell me if you like it a certain way.” He murmured, his voice already sounding hoarse to Castiel and good Lord, Dean had barely done anything and it already felt like the best blowjob Castiel had ever had.

His face was simply beautiful between Castiel’s legs and his plump lips stretched perfectly around Castiel’s girth. He deepthroated like he definitely had done it before and when he swallowed around the head Castiel simply _had to_ put a hand on Dean’s head, stroking the silky strands.

“Your butt.” He croaked and Dean peeked up at him, not breaking his pace. “Raise it, I want to see.”

Dean pulled off with a satisfied grin, holding Castiel’s dick still as he licked it. He gathered his legs under him, pushing up his ass and arching his back to really elevate himself. It looked… _so_ much better than Castiel would have thought, could have even imagined.

Dean’s ass was perfectly round and smooth and when he wriggled it Castiel felt as if he was going insane.

“I…” he groaned when Dean swallowed around him again and fisted Dean’s hair, making the young man moan. “I want to be inside you, is that okay?” Dean looked at him with so much desire that Castiel thought he would explode. “Not now because I’m about to come but… but sometime soon. Would you like that?”

Dean pulled off and started stroking Castiel with fast and smooth movements. Castiel felt his pleasure like a coil in his stomach, winding tighter and tighter and God, it felt so good.

“I want it.” Dean rasped, his mouth against Castiel’s taut balls and his eyes on Castiel’s sweaty face. “I want you deep inside, claiming me. Want you to pull on my hair and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Want you to kiss me as you come inside. Want you to lick it out after you’re done filling me.”

Castiel’s vision whitened out, his whole system overwhelmed by the pleasure Dean’s actions and words brought him, and when he came to again it was to the sight of Dean licking up Castiel’s spend.

“God, Dean.” He groaned and Dean immediately perked up at the sound of his voice. “You have to be part succubus.”

Dean grinned and climbed on top of Castiel, draping himself over the older man. “Incubus.”

“What?”

“The male form is called incubus.”

Castiel couldn’t help but laugh at Dean’s almost giddy expression. “Well you would know, being one.”

Dean laughed too and then went up to Castiel’s face, kissing him thoroughly. And even though Castiel was no stranger to kissing someone who had just finished giving him a blowjob he couldn’t remember it tasting quite this good before.

“So, did you mean everything you said?”

Castiel saw insecurities lingering in Dean’s eyes, despite everything they had just said and done and he couldn’t help but feel responsible for it. So in an effort to elevate the young man’s doubts he wrapped his arms around Dean and kissed him again, this time much more lovingly and to his immense pleasure Dean sighed contently into the kiss.

“I meant it and more.” He said softly, cupping Dean’s face and stroking his cheek with his thumb. “I don’t know what it is with you but you apparently bring out the most perverted side in me.”

“Hell yeah.” Dean grinned and while Castiel still thought they needed to talk about consent and boundaries he also felt comforted enough by Dean’s initial reactions that he thought they could just lie here for a moment and enjoy the afterglow.

That, and Castiel seriously doubted he would be able to walk right now. That had definitely been the best orgasm he had had in a long while and his legs felt like jelly. Dean seemed content with staying where they were, too, and when the young man snuggled in under Castiel’s chin, Castiel wrapped his arms tightly around him and relaxed against the bed’s softness, wholly happy with their situation.

 

*****

 

The next day Dean and Castiel went to the thrift shop Second Chances just across the street from Dusky Skies Motel. Castiel spent most of the time looking through the assortment of tattered books while thinking about how to bring up what he wanted to do with Dean in the bedroom and Dean spent the time amusing himself with trying on different hats and doing accents.

He was obviously entertaining himself and he was quite good too, making Castiel smile both with humor and fondness where he was standing on the other side of a shelf. Castiel wished Sam could be there to see his big brother goofing around like this and he would have been if not for a new family moving in today, also long term. They had a girl around Sam’s age so Sam had opted to stay at the motel and make himself busy trying to look nonchalant and cool.

Dean had promised Sam to give him some pointers later as picking up girls weren’t so different from picking up guys, according to Dean. Castiel had then proceeded with promising a panicking Sam that he would try and keep Dean busy enough not to be a bother.

So here they were, Dean at the moment impersonating a Southern belle and Castiel reading the same book summary for the third time as mental images of Dean in frill distracted him in a most surprising way.

“You look good in that.”

Castiel turned around to see that a tall, dark-haired man had approached Dean. He was smiling, a glint in his eyes that Castiel never would have noticed before his and Dean’s budding relationship.

“Hilarious, man.” Dean laughed and pulled the bonnet he had been wearing off his head.

“No, for real.” The man said and slid closer, suddenly standing right in Dean’s personal space and Castiel saw Dean tensing up. “But you’d look even better in _only_ the hat, laid out on my bed.”

Castiel put back the book he had been holding and it made a loud smacking sound when he used more force than necessary. It was okay, though, Dean was more than capable of taking care of himself, the guy didn’t seem threatening, and Castiel had never been a jealous lover.

“I don’t think so.” Dean said evasively. “You look good and all but I have a boyfriend…”

Castiel’s chest swelled at being referred to as Dean’s boyfriend. He wondered if Dean was just saying that to get rid of Mr. McFlirty over there or if he was actually thinking of asking Castiel to be his boyfriend for real. Did people still do that? Ask? Or was it perhaps already decided with everything they had done so far? Castiel wanted to ask.

“Yeah? He good lookin’ like me?”

“Actually better, you know?”

Preening, that was what Castiel was doing. He felt like a peacock.

“And where’s he at?”

“Hey, I said no.”

Castiel was around the shelf much faster than he would have thought his prosthetic leg would carry him and he didn’t even limp. The scene that met him was Dean glaring at the other man and the man backing away with his hands up, clearly in surrender.

“Sorry, just thought you were lonely.”

“What’s going on?” Castiel asked and realized too late that he had used the same tone he used to have when he was in the military.

That kind of unforgiving tone, laced with authority and promise of punishment should demands not be met. He didn’t like that tone and he especially didn’t like to use it on civilians. But hell, it had looked like that man had tried touching Dean when Dean hadn’t wanted him to. Touching Castiel’s _boyfriend_.

Dean immediately went to Castiel and put his arms around him, craning his neck to peck Castiel on his cheek.

“It’s fine, Cas.” He murmured. “We were just talking.”

Like hell they had just been talking. Castiel squinted angrily at the other man while he did his best impression of a gold fish.

“ _That’s_ your boyfriend?” he exclaimed eventually and Castiel felt a chill go down his spine when the man’s eyes raked up and down his body. “Damn, I saw you when you came in, I thought he was your dad.”

“Fuck off.” Dean spat and now it was Castiel’s turn to calm Dean.

“Hey, sorry.” The man put up his hands again. “I ain’t judging. You’re hot and,” he looked up and down Castiel again and Castiel pulled himself up to his full height, suddenly towering over the other two men. “And shit, you’re hot too.”

Both Dean and Castiel got sort of stunned. “What?” Dean asked dumbly. Castiel relaxed again.

The man laughed. “Yeah, I can totally see it and why not, right? Hashtag love wins and all that.” He suddenly grinned cheekily at them. “Hey if you ever wanna try a threesome you let me know, okay? I work at Sherwin-Williams paint store in Artesia, just ask for Michael, alright?” he winked and slipped past them, muttering a last impressed _“damn”_ and then disappearing out the store.

Dean and Castiel both stared dumbly after him and a long moment went by before any of them spoke.

“Huh.” Was Dean’s first word and it made Castiel chuckle.

“Guess we don’t have to be so on guard after all.” He smiled at Dean’s still surprised face. “Except perhaps you, for perverts.”

Dean looked at him, confused, before he grinned like a doofus. “Don’t need to be scared of that with my awesome Sergeant Major boyfriend coming to my rescue.”

Castiel’s cheeks heated but he refused to call it a blush, mainly because he had never blushed before that he knew of.

“I apologize for that.” He mumbled and turned to walk back to the bookshelf. “I don’t know what came over me, I’ve never been jealous before.”

Dean practically skipped beside him. “Imma take that as a compliment.”

“I suppose you should.” Castiel chuckled. “So, I’m your boyfriend, then?” because he _had to_ ask.

Dean blushed just as prettily as he usually did. “If you want to.” He said in a hushed tone, staring down at his own feet.

Castiel’s heart felt like it would explode. He looked around them quickly to ascertain that they were alone and then he tilted Dean’s head up to steal a quick kiss.

“As long as you’re fine with an old geezer for a boyfriend, then yes.”

Dean pressed his lips together in an obvious attempt to hide his grin. “Do you wanna go to Brewer and get an ice cream?”

“Yes.” But not before he had stolen two more kisses in quick succession.

So maybe a lot of people would scorn them for their relationship, whether it be because of their gender or because of their age difference (or some other, to Castiel unconceivable, reason) but there also seemed to be people in the world who would simply accept them and that made Castiel happy.

He wasn’t very concerned about other people’s opinions, not even his hang-ups about his leg had been about people looking weirdly at him but rather what it reminded him of. If people saw they would eventually ask and he didn’t want to relive it, didn’t want to see the failure for what it was. But he hadn’t been very concerned with them thinking it looked strange.

Similarly, he didn’t care very much what random people thought of his and Dean’s relationship. Rather, it was Dean’s family he wanted to accept them. And perhaps his own but honestly there wasn’t much left of it and he anyhow felt too old to be involved in a family feud. Either they would accept it or they wouldn’t, Castiel would jump that hurdle when and if it came.

What did concern him was how society’s reactions would affect Dean. He was a young man with a young man’s ideals and hopes and Castiel would hate to see that tarnished by him falling in love with an old man. Encounters like this Michael showed promise for the future, though, and as Castiel walked beside Dean to the gas station he could only feel hopeful.

And a little scared because it had been literal decades since he was someone’s boyfriend and he was starting to feel like he wanted this to last for a while. A part of him was afraid that this was a summer fling for Dean and he had mentally prepared himself for such a scenario. Hell, maybe it was only a summer fling for him as well. All he knew right now was that he liked what they were doing and he would like to delve further into it, hoping it would continue even after the Winchesters left Dusky Skies.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wanted the Sergeant Major to explore his kinkier side and since your wish is my command, here we go! I hope you'll enjoy this porn chapter XD

 

 

“I would like to try bondage.”

The question hung unanswered for a few seconds before Dean scrambled to mute the TV and then turned big eyes on Castiel.

“Huh?”

Castiel felt embarrassed, that was true, but he was also eager to see where this could lead. He had spent the better part of the past week trying to decide on how to best approach Dean on this matter and had come to the conclusion that straight-forward might be his forte. Ever since Dean had announced that he wanted Castiel to be his boyfriend, Castiel had felt better about their situation and he thought that he was safe enough to vent this secret desire. That being said, he was more than ready for a rejection and would accept it gracefully.

“I realize what we have is very new and still a bit shaky in its foundations.” He smiled kindly at Dean’s still very surprised expression. “But I have to admit that I feel comfortable enough to ask this. So,” he harrumphed but didn’t look away lest he seem insincere. “I have always wanted to try bondage, in its lighter form I suppose, and I would love for you to be the first one I actually do it with.”

Dean looked at him with a mix of awe and adoration. “First?” he eventually squeaked out and Castiel smiled again, this time at himself.

“I have never felt the desire as strongly with other lovers and when I considered bringing it up with Daphne, because she made me feel safe, I realized that it wouldn’t be good anyway.” He put a hand on Dean’s arm, stroking the soft hairs with the pad of his thumb. “The way you respond to my touches, how sensitive your body seems… You feel like the perfect candidate for bondage, she wasn’t like that. I shouldn’t compare the two of you but of course I do it a little anyway and,” he swallowed, suddenly nervous for what he was about to say. “And everything feels so much better with you.”

Dean was crimson in the face and his whole body was vibrating by the time Castiel had finished his little (poor) explanation.

“You want to try it with me because I’m sensitive?”

“You’re _responsive_.” Castiel corrected with greater enthusiasm than he had intended to show. “The sounds you make, how your body seems to ache for my touch, I…” he checked himself to calm down and managed to smile kindly. “You make me feel alive in a way I didn’t think was possible. It’s completely okay if you don’t want to try bondage, I of course won’t be mad or disappointed. I just wanted to share my secret desire with you.”

“Secret?” Dean repeated in that squeaky voice. “Me?”

“Dean?” Castiel couldn’t help but feel a little nervous that he had frightened the young man. It was true that Castiel had been uncertain of this relationship in the beginning (merely two weeks ago!) but lately he had started feeling almost ridiculously invested and he would hate for Dean to leave him over something he hadn’t dared to share with anyone before. He wanted Dean to be special, to be the one he _could_ share it with. “You don’t have to give me an answer right now unless,” he cleared his throat and leaned back against the couch, watching the silent TV. “Unless your answer is a definite no, I suppose.”

Dean drew a sharp breath and invaded Castiel’s personal space so fast that he couldn’t do anything but sit there as Dean placed a hard kiss on his mouth.

“Stay here.” Dean hushed out. “Turn off the TV, get ready for bed, I’ll be _right_ back.” Another kiss, more eager now. “Stay here.”

With that he did an honest to God tumble right over the couch’s back and then he was out and across the yard between their doors. Suffice to say that Castiel was confused and even though he did as Dean had asked and turned off the TV he neither stayed in the room nor prepared for bed.

Instead he walked over to the door Dean had left open in his flight and looked out over the pool area, wondering what the heck was even going on. Well, he supposed he hadn’t at least scared Dean away so that was comforting.

Sam was playing in the pool with the girl from room 11 together with her father. Mrs. Moseley and Rowena were sitting by the pool under one of the parasols, playing backgammon while Pepper slept on a chair beside them. There were two other people swimming on the other end of the pool that Castiel didn’t know but there had been a few newcomers this past week, straggles taking a last vacation day before school started.

It was sweltering outside and Castiel was thankful that the motel had agreed to fill up his AC unit with gas. He didn’t run it all day long but it was nice to at least have cool nights. With that in mind he went to turn it on and just as the AC scrambled to life he heard the door slam shut and a moment later Dean entered the bedroom, looking positively debauched already.

His face was a little red, his hair looked dark with sweat, and he was panting a little as if he had been running much further than the short distance between their rooms. He was also out of his wife-beater and had put on a long-sleeved Henley that looked almost unbearably hot in the summer heat.

But what caught Castiel’s eye the most were the handcuffs Dean eagerly held up, making a little _tadaa_ -motion. In an instant, Castiel’s whole body flushed hot and he could actually _feel_ his dick perking up in a way he hadn’t for at least a decade. Being with Dean was truly revitalizing him.

“Are those your father’s?” yes, Castiel’s voice was totally croaky with barely hidden desire.

“They’re a spare.” Dean’s beautiful eyes sparkled with mischief. “But don’t worry, I’ve been looking after his and Sammy’s stuff for so long he trusts me utterly. He won’t miss them if they’re only away for a day or two.” He sauntered up to Castiel, completely blowing his mind with the casual sexiness the young man exuberated. “So I guess him finding out all depends on how long you plan on keeping me locked up, Sergeant Major.”

His rank had never sounded more seductive than when Dean said it right now. He took the handcuffs from Dean, bringing up one hand to cup Dean’s cheek, kissing the younger man softly. It was a bit overwhelming, how good Dean made him feel. Before their relationship started it had only been mentally and Castiel had been happy in Dean’s company, but now _everything_ felt _more_ and he relished it.

Dean submitted easily to him and the sounds he made at the back of his throat were sure to drive Castiel insane.

“Thank you.” He murmured intimately and Dean sighed into the shared space, his eyes seemingly shining to Castiel. “But we can’t very well use these.”

“Why? You ‘fraid dad’ll know?” Dean mumbled. He had come closer during their kissing and he was now moving subtly against Castiel, letting him know how aroused the young man actually was.

Castiel chuckled because yes, a little. “These are standard metal cuffs, they will chafe your wrists and leave marks. I would never want to use something that could hurt you.”

Dean actually moaned a little, quietly and shortly, and then he kissed Castiel once before stepping back.

“You’re fucking awesome, okay?” he grinned widely as he grabbed the hem of his Henley, only to pull it part way off. Leaving the sweater on his arms, he tucked the hem over his head and behind his neck, effectively baring his chest, stomach, and lower back. “We’ll put the cuffs on over the sleeves, no chafing.”

Castiel felt a little breathless at the implications this presented. A (for the most part) naked Dean handcuffed to Castiel’s bed suddenly didn’t seem like such a far-fetched fantasy and he was already reeling a little from fresh arousal.

“Perfect.” He mumbled and meant Dean but Dean obviously interpreted it to mean the plan and he preened under Castiel’s no doubt smoldering stare. “Get naked and get on the bed.”

Dean made a pleased sound and hastened to comply. “Will you be naked too?”

“We’ll see.” Castiel mumbled as he inspected the handcuffs, standard just as he had said. “Where do you have the key?”

“My pocket.” Dean gestured to his hastily discarded shorts.

He was already up on the bed and looking positively delectable with his round butt wriggling as he made his way up to the headboard. God, all the things Castiel wanted to do shot to the front of his mind and he couldn’t choose, barely knew where to begin.

Part of that was because he had always envisioned himself doing this with a woman but mostly it was because Dean presented him with so many ideas that he didn’t know where to start simply because he wanted to do it all. Come to think of it, in a way this was a perfect opportunity for him to try just touching Dean.

He knew that he most definitely wanted the man to beg for release and he wanted to see Dean’s flustered, crying face when he told him to hold on just a little longer. And since Dean was so responsive he didn’t think that would be too hard a feat even if all he did was some light exploring.

Having sex with a man involved anal, so much had Castiel gathered over his years, and since he hadn’t even been interested in trying anal with women he thought that was where he would start. Touching Dean’s hole and watching the reactions that could pull out of the man could be just the incentive Castiel needed to get bolder.

When Dean got in position, his hands slightly elevated above his head, Castiel got on the bed to wrap the cuffs’ short chain around one of the bars on the headboard and then proceeded with fastening them to Dean’s arms.

“Good?” he asked after checking as best he could himself. Dean looked up at him with hooded eyes.

“I think a little tighter on the right.”

Castiel hummed and pushed the cuff tighter, one or two clicks, and then got off the bed again, holding up the key for Dean to see.

“I will put this in the bedside drawer, look.” He made sure Dean could see exactly where he put the key and didn’t close the drawer until the young man nodded. “I put it in the drawer and not on top of the nightstand only so that we won’t accidentally knock it off and lose it.”

“We have spares.” Dean mumbled, his eyes still hooded.

Castiel chuckled and removed his t-shirt. “Yes but I would rather not go to Sam and ask for it, let alone your father.”

That made Dean laugh too and he was still grinning by the time Castiel had undressed partially. He opted to leave his pants on for now and also to keep his leg on to retain mobility. He enjoyed the way Dean’s eyes raked over his body and much to his pleasure he could see Dean’s dick already bobbing to life.

Climbing onto the bed again, he settled between Dean’s legs, putting his hands on the smooth thighs as Dean spread them for him.

“So this is what I want to do,” he started in a low murmur, caressing Dean’s inner thighs with his thumbs. “While you are cuffed, I would like for you to call me sir. I want to touch you and I want to hear you, what you like what you don’t like.” He looked up to meet Dean’s clearly aroused stare and he swallowed down some of his nervousness. It felt a bit embarrassing to be baring himself like this but it also felt comforting that Dean would let him get even this far. “I don’t want you to hold back your voice and as much as possible I want you to keep your eyes open. I want you to be honest with me and tell me when you’re about to come because I would like to keep you on that edge for a while. I would also like to use lube while touching you.” He smiled a secret little smile when Dean drew a sharp breath. “How do you think that sounds?”

“I think it sounds awesome.” Dean hushed out in a voice laced by arousal. “Sir.”

“Good.” Castiel grabbed Dean’s thighs a little harder, enjoying the give. Dean’s dick was almost completely hard by now and that, too, was a source of great enjoyment for Castiel. To think that his mere words and presence could do this to Dean. “I also think it would be prudent for you to come up with a word instead of no, don’t you?”

Dean gulped visibly. “A safeword?” he asked in a hoarse whisper. “Just what are you thinking of doing to me, sir?”

Castiel chuckled a little at the raw desire he saw in Dean’s eyes. “Nothing over the top, I just want to make sure.”

“Then…” Dean looked around the room for a moment before his eyes stuck on the window and its slanted blinders. “Pool, sir.”

“Pool?”

“I met you at the pool, sir.” Dean mumbled cutely and completely crushed Castiel’s composure.

“That you did.” He said in a thick voice. “Pool it is.”

He moved higher up on the bed so that he could bend down over the prone Dean and kiss him deeply, pouring much more than light affection and lust into the gesture. And by the feel and sound of it Dean understood completely and wanted it, needed it. Good, Castiel thought, that was good.

He started slowly, his hands roaming over Dean’s whole body, hands open and palm flat against the young man’s heated skin. For the most part, Dean was smooth and almost hairless. The hair around his dick and balls were a little darker and adorably curled. Dean made breathless sounds as Castiel took his time to scrape his fingernails through that hair but still avoided the man’s hard dick.

Dean’s hips twitched when Castiel raked his fingers down the man’s soft inner thighs and Castiel smiled to himself, enjoying watching Dean’s dick bob. His balls were already taut and though Castiel was intimately acquainted with his own balls he spent a long time exploring Dean’s.

“Fuck.” Dean moaned when Castiel thumbed his perineum. “I like that, sir.”

“Yeah?” Castiel hushed and pressed a bit harder. “Tell me.”

“Feels like you’re getting at my prostate.”

Castiel hummed and committed that to memory. He had heard a lot of good about prostate massages but had so far only experienced his doctor prodding it and that hadn’t felt very good. But judging by Dean’s slack-jawed expression this was definitely something Castiel wanted to explore.

“I like touching you, Dean.”

That made Dean moan and he shut his eyes momentarily, bending his head back and exposing his throat. They should have talked about marking before this started, Castiel thought, because that urge came back every time Dean did that.

“I love your hands, sir.”

Castiel shifted on his knees, a little to elevate pressure off his stump and prosthesis but mostly because his dick was getting hard enough to hammer nails with and it was getting uncomfortable in his pants. Shifting his attention back to Dean, he noticed the young man staring hungrily at Castiel’s crotch and yes, that made him perversely proud.

He sat closer to Dean, forcing the man’s legs further apart and reaching up to prod Dean’s nipples with his calloused fingers. All his previous lovers had liked to have their breasts and nipples fondled so it was a natural progression for him. Daphne had once asked what he thought about having his own nipples touched and he had answered that it was neither here nor there. Dean, though…

A loud moan ripped free from Dean’s core and he bucked up hard, managing to scrape his dick against Castiel’s chest. The way he rolled was almost too sinuous and Castiel couldn’t believe that this man was his to touch. Dean truly looked and felt like an otherworldly creature come here to lure Castiel to hell. If he was a devout man he would be scared right now but the truth was that he was far from it, loving every second.

“S-sir!” Dean whimpered out when Castiel withdrew his hands. “Please.”

Castiel grabbed Dean’s hips and stilled his movements, restricting them by sheer strength alone and somehow that seemed to arouse Dean even more. He gasped as his dick bobbed and a thick string of precome bubbled out of him and dribbled down on his taut stomach.

“You’re simply astonishing.” Castiel rumbled, almost completely overtaken by lust. “ _Never_ would I have thought I could feel such immense pleasure just from _touching_ another person.” He met Dean’s lust-blown eyes with a gaze he suspected was equally blown. “I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for you, Dean.”

Dean made a soft sound and closed his eyes, tears trailing out at the corners. Castiel’s stomach clenched and he thought he had gone too far after all. In a second he was over Dean, draped over him, holding his face reverently and kissing him softly.

“Just… just don’t go trying this out with any guy.” Dean demanded in a vulnerable voice and Castiel wanted to breathe a sigh of relief but thought it would be inappropriate.

“I could never.” He said instead, kissing Dean once again. “You’ve got me utterly ensnared and I’m loving it.”

The smile that Dean gave him was so dazzlingly satisfied that all thoughts Castiel had entertained about cutting this short went out the window. Dean was obviously still in the game and his dick still needed attention. But Castiel had other plans in mind.

Rising from the bed he opened the same drawer he had put the key in only to retrieve a tube of Astroglide. He tried to retain a somber expression as he climbed back on the bed but Dean was grinning far too happily at him for that to happen.

“Why, sir, I never would have thought.” Dean mused with a decidedly interested glint in his eyes.

“Yes, well,” Castiel harrumphed and clicked open the bottle. “I may be old but I’m not dead. And everything’s better with lube.” With that he proceeded with pouring an extremely generous amount right on Dean’s balls and perineum.

“Fuck yeah.” Dean groaned and spread his legs wide again.

“I want to touch you all over, Dean.” Castiel stated calmly as he put the tube by his right knee. “That includes your hole, how do you feel about that?”

“Like I might come, sir.” Dean answered in a decidedly squeaky voice.

“You won’t.” Castiel ordered. “Not until I say so.”

Dean drew a big breath, his dick bobbing and dribbling precome again. “Yes, sir.”

“Very good.”

Good God, Castiel felt high on endorphins. High on arousal, high on life, high on _Dean_. He knew that this was their first bondage experience together and he didn’t want to go overboard, especially since he didn’t know Dean’s previous experience with this and since his own was zero. But at the very least he had planned on touching Dean’s hole, to explore it, and he knew he wanted to get Dean off using any means necessary.

He didn’t know how much he would be comfortable with doing so early in his forage into homosexual sex but the more Dean moaned for him, the bolder he felt. Dean was very responsive and it was both encouraging and arousing.

He started by smearing lube all over Dean’s balls and inner thighs, delighting in the sounds Dean made as Castiel once again avoided his dick. It was by now red and looked harder than Castiel thought he could remember his own ever being. It was wet with the precome rolling out and a thin string attached the head to a pool just beside Dean’s bellybutton. It looked delicious but Castiel had another goal in mind.

“ _Fuck_.” Dean moaned, really pulling on the vowel, when Castiel finally put two fingers to the furled skin around the young man’s hole.

It felt weird, Castiel was man enough to admit that. But if he really thought about it then touching his high school sweetheart for the first time had also felt weird. It was just a different part of the body and judging by Dean’s reactions it felt really, really good for the man to be touched there.

Castiel’s dick twitched as he continued stroking Dean’s hole, really lubing him up. This was where Dean wanted him, this was where he would enter the man to be as connected with him as any two people could be.

Suddenly Castiel was overcome by arousal and he grabbed Dean in strong hands, bending the young man so that his ass became elevated and Castiel finally could get a good look on the twitching hole.

“Sir!” Dean exclaimed and the handcuffs clinked as he grabbed on for dear life.

“Is this position okay for you?” Castiel asked but he was unable to tear his eyes away from Dean’s exposed hole. “Does it hurt your back?” it was dusky pink, barely hairy at all, and the skin around it was smooth, untouched.

“It-it’s fine.” Dean croaked. “Just please continue, sir.”

Castiel hummed and smeared lube around Dean’s hole with one hand, the other supporting much of the man’s weight. Dean’s dick was bobbing again, his balls taut and tight against his body. Castiel’s own dick throbbed and his heart rate quickened as he put two fingers to Dean’s hole again, this time smearing lube just inside, breaching him just slightly with one finger.

It was _tight_ and warm and beautiful. Dean moaned a string of nonsense and Castiel all but panted against Dean’s ass, his face so close he could almost taste the man.

“Is this okay?” he asked, his voice wavering from arousal. “Does it hurt?”

“Give me _more_ , sir.” Dean moaned, high-pitched. “I want all of you.”

 _“I will enter here,”_ Castiel thought with both astonishment and arousal. _“He wants me in here. Me.”_

With jerky movements, Castiel plunged two fingers inside up to the first knuckle. Dean’s whole body bucked as if he was trying to grind against the fingers but he couldn’t move very well in the balled up position Castiel had forced him in. The sound of the clinking chain was like music to Castiel’s ears.

Without further ado, Castiel started pumping his fingers in and out, mimicking fucking as best as fingers could and Dean just about lost it. He started begging for release, for Castiel’s dick, for kisses. And Castiel listened to it all, bathed in it, filed it away for later.

“You’re absolutely gorgeous, sweetheart.” He murmured but he doubted Dean could even hear him right now. “I’ve imagined something like this so many times but nothing could have prepared me for it, for _you_. You’re more perfect than any imagery.”

“ _Please_ , sir.” Dean begged, his face red and streaked with tears of frustration. “Please touch my dick, wanna come for you, wanna be good.”

“You are, Dean, my _God_.” Castiel bent in and kissed a part of Dean’s ass cheek that hadn’t been smeared with lube, only regretting a little that he hadn’t rimmed the man first. Because he wanted to, oh how he wanted, but the taste of lube wasn’t pleasant and he didn’t want it to mar his first taste of Dean. “Do you think you can come untouched?”

Dean whined with such need that Castiel startled so much he almost came in his pants. Swiftly he grabbed himself, astonished at the feeling of his rushing orgasm, teetering right there. It had been a long time indeed since he hadn’t had control over his own release and the raw feeling of white-hot pleasure felt wonderful.

“Sir,” Dean whimpered and looked at Castiel with such begging eyes that it made Castiel’s heart thud along with his throbbing dick. “Want you.”

In response, Castiel rubbed Dean’s prostate, feeling the swollen nub quite clearly and enjoying immensely how Dean hiccupped out a groan even as his dick spat out even more precome.

“I think you can.” He answered his own question when Dean seemed unable to do anything else but beg for release. “But maybe not yet, not now.”

Part of his decision was for Dean’s sake, the man looked about ready to pass out, and part of it was for his own sake. He had thought he would be able to drag this out for at least an hour, if not more, but the truth was that they had barely been at it for thirty minutes and Castiel was rather sure he would come if it went on much longer.

And if Castiel was going to come anywhere but inside Dean’s hole or mouth tonight, it would be on the man’s smooth stomach and chest.

He pulled out his fingers slowly, very aware of hurting Dean, and then helped the man lower his legs. Dean groaned and immediately wrapped his supple legs around Castiel’s waist. Castiel put one hand on Dean’s dick and balls, just keeping it still, while he did his best to pull down his pants and get his own dick out.

“Yes, fuck yes, sir.” Dean moaned when he saw what Castiel was doing. “Come on me.”

“Come _with_ me.” Castiel corrected and grabbed both their dicks in one hand.

Dean bucked up and by the look and feel he was about to come any second. Castiel wasn’t far behind, though, so he settled with a quick pace as he stroked them together, marveling at how it felt to have Dean’s hardness pressed up against his. Never would he have thought it could feel so good but it really did.

Dean’s erection, rock hard as it was, was such definite proof of his arousal that it made Castiel heady just to look at. It felt silky smooth against Castiel’s and the residue lube on his hand only made the glide better. They were both oozing precome and Castiel liked very much how dirty it felt when that mixed with the lube.

Suddenly he wanted Dean’s come on him, wanted to taste it, and he again wished he had waited with the lube. Dean didn’t seem to mind, though. He was thrusting up, moaning continuously and grabbing onto the chains to the handcuffs for dear life.

“Sir,” he gasped suddenly and Castiel felt as if he fell out of a trance. “Sir, are you gonna…? I _have_ to… Sir!”

God, Dean was more beautiful than even Aphrodite herself.

“Come, sweetheart.” He rumbled out in a voice made gravelly by arousal. “I’m right behind you.”

Dean whined and arched his back, his toes curled again same as last time Castiel had made him come on this bed and Castiel didn’t know why that was an adorable observation but it was.

And then Dean was coming and Castiel could focus on nothing else but the feel and sight of it. Dean’s dick positively exploded in Castiel’s hand and having it pressed against his own was divine. Dean shot long and hard, and for as vocal as he had been before coming he was silent during it.

“Look at me.” Castiel rasped and Dean pried his eyes open even as his dick kept pumping out come in thick white globs.

And the raw desire that Castiel saw in Dean’s glittering green eyes was the last little push he needed. With a short, hoarse shout he came himself, adding his own spend to Dean’s on the young man’s chest. He was still holding and stroking Dean’s dick, and even though it had to be sensitive now Dean didn’t say anything about it.

He just held eye contact with Castiel all through the older man’s orgasm and even worked his hips a little, adding to the friction between them.

When he was done and empty, Castiel finally released them and lowered his head. His whole body felt shaky and he wanted to lie down more than anything but he had to open the handcuffs first so that Dean could relax. Now that it was over Castiel was starting to get concerned about Dean’s arms in their elevated state and he was happy they hadn’t continued for too long after all.

Shaking all over he stumbled to his feet and it wasn’t until he was back on the bed with the key and unlocking the handcuffs that he realized how easily he had relied on his prosthesis and how well it had carried him even though the rest of his body felt just about ready to give up. It felt liberating to admit that he could trust it and he felt as if more than one hurdle had been jumped this evening.

As soon as he all but collapsed beside Dean, the younger man rolled around and wrapped himself like an octopus around Castiel’s prone body.

“God-fucking-damn, Cas.” Dean exclaimed with a wide grin. “That was the fucking _best_.”

Castiel wrapped an arm around Dean and reached down with his other to tuck himself into his pants. Dean was getting come all over the both of them but somehow it didn’t feel tacky, at least not yet.

“I loved it.” He admitted in a tone that was much smugger than he had intended.

“We’re doing that again.”

Castiel chuckled and turned his head to kiss Dean. One soft kiss turned into many that turned into deeper kisses and soon Dean was half-way on top of Castiel, both thoroughly entranced in a make-out session fueled by post-orgasmic bliss.

“I would like to discuss marking.” Castiel murmured when their kisses had cooled down a bit and they were just resting together, Castiel carding his free hand through Dean’s sweaty hair. “We’re keeping this relationship a secret so I don’t mean on obvious places but I honestly don’t think I can stand looking at your inner thighs one more time and not suck hickeys on them like a prepubescent teenager.”

Dean looked at him with a fondness so strong Castiel almost thought he could feel it physically.

“You’re such a dork.” Dean mumbled affectionately and kissed Castiel’s cheek when all he could do was look confused. “ _Of course_ you can mark me, I’d love it.”

“Oh.” Castiel smiled and hugged Dean closer. “Good.”

“I’d say.” Dean snorted with a grin, making Castiel chuckle. “Also, you better fuck me with that perfect dick of yours soon or Imma go insane.”

“I like to hear you beg.”

“I noticed.” Dean answered wryly but he was smiling when Castiel looked down at him. “And I love to beg for you, _sir_.”

Castiel groaned and covered his face with his hand. “I’m never going to live that down.”

“What? I thought it was hot.”

It _was_ hot, incredibly so. But also…

“I’ve been called ‘sir’ for so long in the military and it never held any sexual connotations for me, I don’t even know where it came from, why I made you call me that now.” He looked almost shyly down at Dean’s way too smug face. “I’m never gonna be able to hear someone call me that and not think about you. I’ve ruined that word for myself.”

Dean laughed and snuggled in to press his face against Castiel’s neck. “Now I’m even more stoked.”

“I’m serious.” Castiel continued and tried to keep his tone as serious as he proclaimed to be but it was difficult with Dean laughing so cheerily. “My brother-in-law still calls me ‘sir’, it’s going to be _so_ awkward.”

“Yeah well, I love it. I love you thinking about me even when I’m not there.” Dean peeked up at him, his eyes full of mischief. “Love that you’ll always have a reminder of what’ll be waiting for you.”

Castiel’s heart skipped a beat and suddenly he wasn’t regretting using that honorific at all. Suddenly it felt like the best decision he had ever made.

“I love that too.” He whispered and hugged Dean closer when the young man made a satisfied sound.

God, it had gone so fast but Castiel was really starting to think that Dean was it for him. He was old, chances that he would fall in love were slim, and yet here he was feeling like a love-sick puppy and loving it. For the first time since it happened he was happy he had lost his leg or he probably never would have met Dean. And that, for him, was proof enough that the man had managed to carve himself a place in Castiel’s heart.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

“It really sounds like you’ve made great progress, Cassie.”

Castiel smiled to himself, resting back on the couch in his living room/kitchen. Dean was out with Sam and John, looking at the house John finally had decided to buy. It was kind of small but cheap and fairly new, plus it was close to Sam’s high school.

“I feel so too.”

“So when are you coming home? The kids miss you.”

“That’s cheap.” Castiel muttered. “Using the kids as leverage when you know I have a hard time saying no to them.”

Anna sighed. “Otherwise how am I going to get you home? You can’t stay at that motel all alone forever, you know.”

Castiel thought about the Winchesters and how the summer was ending.

“Actually I’ve met someone.”

“Really?” Anna all but squeaked in a tone Castiel thought highly inappropriate for a 45-year-old. “Tell me everything.”

Should he? Was there really a point when what he and Dean had might end within the week? He thought about Dean’s glittering eyes and how it felt to kiss the man.

“He and his brother helped me through some really rough patches and I guess we just kind of grew close.”

“Oh so you’ve made a friend?” Anna masked her disappointed very well but Castiel was her big brother and would always be able to hear it.

“No, Dean is my lover.”

“Oh.” Anna was quiet for a moment and Castiel let the information sink in. Hell, it had taken him almost three weeks to understand what was happening. “Oh Cassie, that’s wonderful.”

Castiel nodded to the empty room. “Yes, I think so too. But I try not to read too much into it, we will probably break it off after the summer.”

“Why would you say that?” Anna asked, her tone much sadder than Castiel would have thought.

“Because he’s young, Anna. Young and idealistic and I don’t think he understands what being with me long time would be like.”

“Why do you say it like that? ‘Being with me’, as if you’re such a handful.”

That made Castiel chuckle. “Sorry, I just meant being in a long term relationship at all. We’ve all been living in a kind of bubble here at Dusky Skies, in protection and comfort over the summer but it’s ending and I can’t get my hopes up.”

“Why not?” Anna sounded positively adamant. “Why can’t you hope for a better future?”

“Because I’m in love with him.” Castiel said in a voice made raspy by emotions. “And I’m afraid of the pain that will follow him leaving me.”

“Cassie…”

“It didn’t hurt when Daphne left and I never understood why until I fell in love with Dean.”

Anna made a soft, comforting sound and Castiel realized then that his voice was wobbly.

“It’s okay, you should just talk to him.”

“I will.” Castiel lied smoothly.

“And if it’s just a summer thing then you just come right back home, we all miss you and your room is just as you left it.”

Somehow that made everything worse. “I’ll call you.”

“Hey, Cassie?” she hastened to say before he could hang up. “I’m happy for you, okay?”

“Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all?” he asked with a sardonic smile.

“Exactly.”

 

*****

 

The first time he and Dean had actual anal sex it was mind-blowing.

Dean was tight and perfect around Castiel’s hard dick and he kept rolling his hips into Castiel’s thrusts, making their movements fluid and soft. Despite Dean’s insistence that Castiel fuck him, what they actually ended up doing was making love and Castiel knew it was his fault and yet he regretted nothing.

By the sounds Dean made the younger man loved it too. He held Castiel close and gasped into the hungry kisses Castiel showered him with. Dean’s legs were tightly wrapped around Castiel’s thighs, feet hooked under Castiel’s buttocks to help with the rolling and Castiel could barely breathe for how amazing it felt.

They used condoms that Dean had gotten at Brewers and even though Castiel thought it was the responsible thing to do, he kind of hated it. Still, Dean more than made up for it and when the young man started begging for Castiel’s touch on his dick, Castiel could do nothing but coo wordlessly and comply.

Dean shouted out his orgasm not much later and the way his tight hole spasmed around Castiel made him curse and come too. He was so surprised and overwhelmed by his orgasm that all he could do was shake in Dean’s arms and pump the condom full of his release. Dean kissed his face and held him tightly through it and afterwards it was Dean who cleaned them up even though Castiel somehow thought it was he who should have done it.

“I’m not fragile.” Dean laughed at him when Castiel protested weakly.

“I just had my dick up your ass.”

“I love it when you talk dirty.” Dean growled playfully and snuggled in against Castiel’s side.

“So I didn’t hurt you?”

“Did you want me to tell you your dick was too big?” there was humor in Dean’s voice and the question made Castiel laugh.

“No.” He hugged Dean closer. “I’m just concerned.”

“Dude.” Dean raised his head so they could look properly at each other. “You’ve been fingering _and_ rimming me for the past week, I was _so_ ready to do this.”

Castiel’s face heated. “I really like licking you.” He admitted in a hush, making Dean groan.

“Shut up or you’d better be ready for a round two, okay?”

Castiel knew he wouldn’t be but almost thought that he might when he felt Dean’s soft dick against his thigh. He gently cupped Dean’s chin and brought the young man close enough to kiss.

“You’re exquisite.”

Dean instantly blushed crimson and Castiel marveled at the sight, now as much as ever.

“Nah.” The young man mumbled and laid down again, tucking his head under Castiel’s chin. “Just bein’ me.”

Castiel stroked Dean’s back and reveled in the closeness. He hadn’t been much for cuddling after sex before, more concerned with taking a shower to wash off sweat. But with Dean it felt almost as good as the sex itself. The sex satisfied his body and this his soul. He felt a little ridiculous thinking like that but could also admit that it was true.

They stayed like that almost long enough for Castiel to nap before Dean broke the silence.

“Do you want to take off your leg?”

Castiel usually did when they were spooning or cuddling. “I suppose.” He almost sighed, a bit unwilling to move right about now.

“Here, let me.” Dean sat up and put his hands on Castiel’s leg, looking up at him. “If it’s okay?”

That for some reason felt like another big step. The only other person (except hospital personnel) who had touched the leg was Anna. Dean was looking at him with such earnestness that Castiel’s heart felt like it would explode.

“Please.” He all but rasped and Dean smiled brightly at him. Not like happily or proudly, but _lovingly_ and Castiel’s heart felt a little closer to exploding.

“I’ve looked at how you do it.” Dean said and sat on his knees beside Castiel. “I looked it up online too. I thought, if you got like sick or something, like the flu, then I could do it for you.” He snapped off the leg as easily as if he had done it a hundred times and Castiel sighed with relief when he was free. It definitely didn’t hurt as much anymore but it always felt better when he took it off, kind of like taking off very tight shoes.

“Thank you.” He mumbled and Dean was quick to return to Castiel’s embrace after he had put the leg away safely.

“You’re welcome.” Dean said in a tone that revealed just how thrilled he was at having been allowed to do that. “And if we’re going for round two I can always ride you.”

Castiel groaned at the mere image and he could feel arousal stir in his lower abdomen. “I’m gonna die of a sex-induced heart-attack.”

“That’s the best way to go.”

“I suppose.” Castiel laughed.

The longer they stayed in bed, the more evident it was getting that they were rearing up for that second round after all and Castiel didn’t mind one bit. Dean was moving out of Dusky Skies with his father and brother next day, and the day after that Sam was starting school, so in a way it felt as if tonight was all they had left.

John had lamented just the day before that they hadn’t gotten the house keys sooner but Dean had told Castiel that it didn’t matter as long as they had a place to stay. They had gone out today and eaten at Chapz, all four of them, and if John thought it was weird that Castiel had joined them then he hadn’t said anything about it but had rather seemed to enjoy Castiel’s company.

So yes, being here with Dean, now, felt bittersweet because Castiel knew that the next day would spell an end, any way he looked at it. This summer at the Dusky Skies Motel had felt like an era, short though it had been, and Castiel didn’t want it to end but knew that time would wait for no man.

His bubble was breaking and he was too much of a coward to follow Anna’s advice. Dean had called him his boyfriend and he kept talking about things they would and could do in the future and it should make Castiel feel at ease but it really didn’t.

All he could think about was how everything would change when Dean got back out there in the real world and if Castiel was honest he was a little afraid of his own feelings. It had gone very fast for him and now it felt as if the rug was being ripped out from under his feet. Only this time there would be enough prosthetics in the world to catch him.

 

*****

 

Two weeks later the Winchesters were well and gone and the summer was truly over. Rowena had left as well, together with a rich looking man who had stayed at the motel for only two nights. Some new long-timers had moved in but Castiel didn’t care for them at all. Mrs. Moseley’s son was urging her to come live at a nursing home. Castiel felt old and alone.

Dean kept in touch by text messages and texted every day at least once. Castiel longed to hear the man’s voice, though, and to see him but so far Dean hadn’t initiated a visit and Castiel felt utterly trapped where he was.

He had known that this was coming, though, and didn’t know why he felt so hollow. Dean hadn’t specifically said anything to mean that he wanted to end their relationship and when he had left with John and Sam he had said he would be back but Castiel felt a fool for waiting.

If he was honest he couldn’t quite remember ever feeling this lovesick and it felt a little ridiculous at his age. So he spent his days longing for a simpler time and pretending he wasn’t really longing for Dean. At the end of the second week and coincidentally the end of August, he was starting to think that he would do well to return to Anna’s.

He had had a great time being alone here because it had been what he had needed at the time but now, after he had been in Dean’s company, he felt lonely when he was alone and thought that his family might make up for it.

He hadn’t decided how to tell Dean this, though, and was going back and forth between thinking it wasn’t even necessary (because Dean already knew and had already moved on) and thinking it would be the thing that broke them up for real (because Dean hadn’t moved on and Castiel would ruin everything).

He had packed some of his bags, that was as far as he had gotten. Mostly he wanted to see Dean but he also knew that whatever happened with their relationship he had to move out of Dusky Skies. It had felt like home for many months now but was starting to feel suffocating and dank.

Then again, the more he thought about it the more he felt as if he was overreacting, but he wasn’t certain to what.

“What do I even have to be sorry for?” he asked his shoes as he sat on the couch, twirling his phone in his hands.

He had made great progress coming to terms with his accident (he didn’t even experience PTSD, but then he never really had, and the nightmares were tapering off).  
He had definitely gotten over the loss of his leg (especially since it had proven that his prosthesis supported him better during sex).  
He had nailed his physical therapy and felt ready to start trying to drive again (with supervision).  
He had experienced love for the first time in decades (puppy love, even), and had had astonishingly great sex (with a man nonetheless).

There was absolutely nothing about this summer that he regretted and he thought he should only feel blessed that it had been in his life, that everyone and everything this summer had included had been in his life, however briefly.

“Better to have loved, huh Anna?” he said with a smile and thought that yes, she was of course right.

Just then there was a knock on his door just then and an adrenaline spike went through his body when he thought it had to be Dean, his heart doing somersaults at the merest thought of the young man.

Yeah, he was definitely okay with how things had turned out…

But when he opened the door he was met with a rather sullen John Winchester and he thought it was lucky that he hadn’t done something stupid like exclaiming Dean’s name just as he opened the door like they always did in the movies.

“John.” He said instead. “Did something happen? Come in.”

John made a gruff sound and shuffled inside. It was still hot as hell outside but Castiel’s AC unit had been soldering on ever since its gas got replenished so inside it was cooler. John stopped just inside and hunched in on himself, reminding Castiel painfully of Dean.

“I came here to talk about a few things with you.”

“Is everyone okay?” Castiel asked with what was probably too much concern for someone who had only known the Winchesters for a few months.

John gave him a slanted look. “They are. Sammy’s doing well in school, not that I was worried there, and Dean…” he straightened his back. Castiel tried not to look too eager but it was difficult because even though Dean had texted him he hadn’t really been telling Castiel what he was up to. “He’s gotten himself a job and he’s moving out. Just got an apartment close to where he’ll be working.”

Castiel smiled fondly. “I’m glad to hear that they’re both doing well.” Though it stung that Dean hadn’t told him about the job or the apartment. But he supposed that was how it went, when you tried to ghost another person out of your life.

“Listen, Castiel, I have something to say here and you better listen closely.” John said, his tone suddenly darker and Castiel almost braced himself for a punch, thinking the detective had found out about his and Dean’s inappropriate relationship.

“Of course.” He said calmly and it _did_ seem to calm the other man, even though it was very obvious that John still was on edge.

“I’m going to start by saying that I have nothing but respect for you. You’ve severed our country faithfully for many years and you deserve much better than a shitty motel.” John had been let in on the fact that Castiel had been injured on the field but not much else. “But if you _ever_ hurt my boys I will…” he tapered off, closing his eyes and drawing a big breath as if to steady himself.

Castiel frowned. So maybe John didn’t know? “John, tell me what’s going on.”

“Dean came home today, telling me about the apartment.” He started in gruff tone. “I knew he had gotten himself a job and yeah, I was hoping for college but he was very happy and I thought it was fine. Now he’s telling he’s moving out and I think, that’s fine too, Sammy’s old enough to look after himself now and Dean deserves something for himself.” Suddenly John looked at Castiel with pained eyes. “I was cruel to him after Mary died, making him grow up so fast. But I had no one to turn to. A mortgage to pay, a job that took me away from my boys for long hours, and no relatives to help me. Dean, he…” John sighed deeply and leaned against the kitchen counter that acted as a divider between the hall and the kitchen. “He just took care of everything. So now that he wanna move out and be his own person I can’t very well blame him, can only support him.”

“John, this sounds like wonderful news.” Castiel said kindly. “I don’t understand why you’re upset? The past is the past and I highly doubt that Dean blames you for anything.”

John looked at him with calculating eyes. “He also told me that he’s in love with you.”

Time froze in a way very reminiscent of when Dean first had told Castiel the very same news.

“Oh.”

Dean _was_ thinking about him, and it appeared he missed his boyfriend just as much as Castiel did but that he for some reason had wanted to wait with a reunion. And here Castiel had been, doubting their future. He felt foolish and exuberant at the same time and could only stare at John with wide eyes.

“You can imagine my surprise.” John continued, either oblivious to Castiel’s stunned surprise or simply finding it appropriate. “At first I thought he meant love as great friend or uncle because I know you and my boys became good friends over the summer and for that I am thankful. It felt awful leaving them in a place like this every day but knowing they had a Sergeant Major looking after them made me calmer.”

God, Castiel felt uncomfortable now. “John…”

“But when I asked,” John plowed ahead. “Dean told me that no, it wasn’t as a simple friend. He told me he’s truly in love with you and that he’s gonna come here tonight and ask you to please accept him. To become his lover.” John’s eyes drilled into Castiel’s and Castiel’s heart fluttered when he thought about how Dean had phrased that as if to sound like Castiel was ignorant of his affections.

Dean was protecting him, giving him a choice. Like Castiel, Dean was _also_ scared that what they had would end. Castiel was so happy all he wanted to do was go to Dean right this second but he reeled it in, schooling his features in a mask of surprise so all of Dean’s lies wouldn’t be for naught.

“John, that’s…”

“So I’m here,” John continued, loud enough to quiet Castiel. “To tell you that for the love of _God_ , don’t you fucking hurt my baby boy.” He looked like a mix between sad and angry and Castiel wanted to comfort him but recognize how inappropriate that would be. “I understand that he’s too young for you and he’s a _man_ , I’m just asking you to let him down gently. I’ve never really seen him talking about someone else like he talks about you and in hindsight I should have seen it coming but I’ve been a shitty dad and I didn’t _see_. I’m sorry I’m putting you in this position.” He looked at Castiel with earnest eyes that definitely reminded Castiel of both Sam and Dean.

“I would never hurt Dean.” Castiel said calmly in an unwavering voice. “Nor you or Sam.”

“And I guess,” John looked away, suddenly looking extremely uncomfortable. “I guess if you _do_ want to… with him, I mean, then…” he closed his eyes as if the very idea was embarrassingly inconceivable. “He’s old enough that he can make his own decisions and if you _do_ decide to reciprocate then so help me, I will rip your guts out if you hurt him like that.”

“Like what?” Castiel said in a low tone and John turned angry eyes on him.

“He’s not someone to experiment on, he’s not a sex toy. Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings. If you do decide that you’d like to be with him then you better fucking commit to him, Sergeant Major, or no rank on Earth will save you from me.”

Castiel straightened. “I understand, John, don’t you worry.” His tone was almost deadly, as John’s words had reflected much of Castiel’s own initial fears. “I would _never_ hurt Dean.” He repeated and John nodded seriously.

“Good.”

 

*****

 

When Dean eventually came by it was much later and John was long gone. Not that he had stayed very long after confirming that Castiel would keep his promise and treat Dean gently, not matter his actual answer to Dean’s confession of love.

What had happened here, on this warm Sunday afternoon, had been both terrifying and beautiful, Castiel thought. Indirectly, almost in the form of a threat, he had gained John’s blessing to date Dean, but he had also gotten a nasty suspicion that Dean had been hurt before.

John seemed completely okay with Dean dating men but he was obviously very protective of his eldest son, perhaps a little too protective, Castiel thought. Someone, sometime in the past, had probably hurt Dean, either physically or emotionally and Castiel kind of wanted to know which it was; who it was.

But to ask that now he would probably have to bring up John’s visit and maybe it would be for the better that he didn’t. John had obviously come here behind Dean’s back, probably hoping to persuade Castiel to turn Dean down. And at first that had seemed like foul play but what if someone had hurt Dean before and John then had just stood idly by? Castiel was fairly certain John was the kind of parent who would never forgive himself.

Castiel didn’t have children but when he thought of someone hurting Anna’s kids he almost saw red so he could definitely see where John was coming from. And the fact that there was this huge age difference didn’t make matters better. It would be _so_ easy for someone in Castiel’s position to take advantage over Dean and Castiel couldn’t blame John for his actions. In a way he wanted to commend the man on his relatively calm approach.

He had just decided not to tell Dean about John’s visit when the boy knocked on his door. He wasted no time letting him in and as soon as the door was shut again Dean all but threw himself in Castiel’s arms.

“Dean.” He said and breathed in the boy. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, so fucking much.” Dean mumbled against Castiel’s neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t come by earlier but I had some stuff I wanted to fix first.” He pulled out to brush his lips against Castiel’s and Castiel held him closer, deepening the kiss.

Kissing Dean felt like heaven and Castiel couldn’t believe he had doubted this relationship. Hell, even John was marginally okay with it. Well, not really from the sounds of it but it also sounded as if his love for his son won over his feelings about a relationship between the two. With time, Castiel hoped John would believe that Castiel was truly committed to this and that he was more afraid of Dean leaving him than him getting tired of Dean.

“Tell me about it.”

“I’d rather show you.” Dean grinned. “Come on.”

In a way Castiel just wanted to handcuff Dean to the bed again and have his way with the young man first but Dean seemed absolutely giddy so Castiel couldn’t resist even if he had wanted to. Thinking back to what John had told him he had a suspicion of what Dean wanted to show him but he decided to act as if he didn’t know and instead let Dean drag him away from his room by his hand.

They hadn’t really held hands in public before, mostly because of John Castiel suspected, but now that Dean had told his father he seemed much more relaxed and Castiel liked it. He supposed he should ask Dean about it but thought it could wait because as soon as they left the motel area he spotted John’s black Impala but there was no one in it, which led Castiel to only one conclusion.

“John let you drive his car?”

“Better.” Dean grinned as they reached the car. “He gave her to me.”

“Really?” Castiel raised his eyebrows. “That was nice of him.”

“It was really weird too.” Dean said after they had sat down in the car. She rumbled to life just wonderfully under them and Castiel couldn’t help but smile at the pleasant sound. “Earlier today he went out to get groceries and I was thinking he was mad at me because of stuff we’d been talking about but when he came back he was kind of emotional. He came up to me and put a hand on my shoulder, told me he was proud of me and that he loved me, gave me the keys to the car and told me to take care of her.” Dean looked thoughtfully out the windshield for a moment. “I almost think he’s dying or something, he’s not generous with the L-word, you know?”

Castiel felt choked up. “Maybe he’s just recognizing that you’re growing up?”

“Maybe…” Dean bit his lower lip in thought for a moment and then turned to grin spectacularly at Castiel. “Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten a job and I’m movin’ out.”

“You,” Castiel took care to sound both surprised and delighted. “Dean, that’s wonderful.”

“Yeah!” Dean beamed. “Imma show you, hang on.”

The ride was short and they spent it in comfortable silence, their hands twined together on the bench between them because neither of them could stand not touching. God, Castiel thought he had never felt an attraction as strong as this, it was almost scary in its beauty.

Dean’s apartment was at the top of a third-floor apartment building in central Artesia. The building had an elevator big enough for three people and Dean made a _tadaa_ -noise when he showed it to Castiel, making Castiel grin. It was true that his leg felt perfectly fine but it was also nice to see that there was an elevator as an option for when he wanted to visit Dean.

They rode it just because and Dean took the time to kiss Castiel breathless on the short ride. Dean’s apartment was a corner one and had only one neighbor, not counting the one under him.

“I actually got the keys on Friday.” Dean said as they passed his neighbor’s door. “Sammy helped me move in some furniture I bought with an advance my boss gave me and we met the neighbor, he seemed nice. He said to call him Chuck and he warned me that he keeps odd hours because he’s an insomniac writer, he also said that the walls are thick.”

Castiel looked at the door marked C. Edlund and tried to remember if he had ever read anything by someone with that name.

“I guess that’s good news, if a bit odd to mention.”

“Yeah. And he only had a robe and boxers on, totally TMI.” Dean mumbled and Castiel thought he better keep an eye on that Chuck fellow. “Anyway, here’s mine, it’s small but it’s home.”

Dean’s apartment was indeed small and very reminiscent of Castiel’s motel room in that it combined a living room and kitchen space, only had one bedroom and one bathroom. There also was no washing machine and Dean told him it was in the basement but that it was fine since they had the elevator. It didn’t go down to the basement but from the ground floor it was only one staircase and it was a short one.

“It’s nice.” Castiel smiled. “Sparse.”

“Smartass.” Dean pinched him in the side before Castiel had time to shuffle out of reach. “I’m waiting for the rest of my paycheck.”

Castiel grinned at the big double bed in the bedroom. “I see you’ve got the basics, though.” Dean hummed in answer and then took Castiel’s hand in his and led the older man to the bed, begging Castiel to sit before kneeling before him. The position made it look either like he was going to propose or like he was about to give Castiel a blowjob and it kind of messed with Castiel’s heartbeat.

“Dean…” he combed his fingers though Dean’s hair and the young man turned his head into the touch, smiling.

“So,” Dean started in a warm tone. “I got a job at the paint store. Remember that Michael fellow we met at the thrift shop a few weeks ago?” How could Castiel not? He nodded slowly. “Yeah, well I went to the paint shop and asked him to put in a good word for me with his boss and they called the next day. It’s only part-time for now because this chick is going on maternity leave but the pay’s pretty good.”

Castiel realized suddenly that Dean was nervous about telling him that he was working with Michael because Michael had come on to Dean. Because Castiel was Dean’s boyfriend. God how he loved the young man.

He cupped Dean’s face. “I’m so proud of you, Dean.”

“Really?” Dean beamed. “You’re not angry that I’m working with Michael?”

Castiel only ground his teeth a little. “Of course not, I trust you. I may not trust him and maybe I’ll be coming over during lunch sometimes just to give him the ol’ paws-off-stare but other than that I’m completely fine with it.” He swallowed and felt a little uncharacteristically nervous. “I mean, he’s young and handsome so if you do end up falling for him I completely understand but I trust you to tell me before you start dating him so we can have a proper finish.” There, now that was said and done with and Castiel felt better.

Dean, however, looked positively devastated and Castiel didn’t even have time to try and understand why before Dean flung his arms around Castiel’s waist and smashed his face against Castiel’s stomach.

“I’m not leaving you for him, you asshole.”

“What? No, I wasn’t say—”

“I’m only working there until something better comes along and we can get a house or something.”

Castiel was confused. “We?”

Dean peeked up at him. “Why do you think I bought a double bed? I want you to live here with me. Or,” he looked to the side, his beautiful face flushed red. “At least when you come visit you’ll live here and not at the motel, you know?”

Castiel’s heart soared. “Then I guess I’ll have to call Anna and tell her the bad news.”

Dean frowned. “That you’re dating a man?” he sounded hopeful, as if he wanted Castiel to tell his family, but also cautious as if he didn’t know if he wanted that to be considered the bad news.

Castiel smiled down at Dean and carded his fingers through the young man’s hair again.

“She already knows that and she sends her blessings. I was talking about me staying here and not coming back to live with her.”

“Yeah?” Dean whispered and Castiel smiled an almost wobbly smile.

“Oh sweetheart.” He cupped Dean’s face. “I’m way too old for you, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you and I feel like I’ll be weighing you down. But for as long as you’ll have me, I want to stay by your side. People will mock us, scorn us, and tell us we are wrong but all I know is that I love you and for me that feels like enough.” He stroked his thumb over Dean’s trembling lips. “I love you, Dean Winchester, and I would love to live with you.”

“Are you sure?” Dean asked, his voice revealed just how close he was to tears. “I snore and I suck at making pancakes.”

Castiel chuckled fondly and pulled Dean up on the bed so that they could lie side by side, their legs dangling off the edge.

“Well then it’s lucky that I’ve had years of practice with sleeping in the same room as snorers. And I happen to be an excellent pancake chef, if I say so myself.”

That made Dean laugh and he curled in against Castiel’s chest, snuffling closer when Castiel wrapped his arms around him, kissing his head. It was true that there would always be people who would hate them for their relationship but Castiel thought that every day he could spend in Dean’s company would be well worth any obstacle life threw at them.

Never in his life had he thought that he would find love at age 52 but then again, he had always thought he would die out there in the field of battle before he even got a chance to grow old. Lying here with Dean he felt more excited about the future than he had been in a long time, though.

“Hey,” Dean suddenly murmured in what was definitely his bedroom voice. “How ‘bout I give you a blowjob as a moving-in present, _sir_?”

Very excited indeed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s it! This fic’s finished, the bingo’s finished! What did you think? Did I do a good job? A bad one? Room for improvement? Please don’t hesitate to leave your thoughts in the comments section below :D
> 
> So with this end of an era I want to thank you, all of my readers, all of you who’ve clicked on my fics and read through to the end, this bingo has truly been a wonderful experience but it wouldn’t have been half as fun without you! 
> 
> I also want to thank my gorgeous, stunning beta BeeCas. _Believe_ me when I say that I couldn’t have managed a total blackout if it wasn’t for her. Seriously, more than a few squares threw me for a loop but she talked me through them and she’s simply the best, you guys!
> 
> And lastly I’d like to thank the [SPNKinkBingo](http://spnkinkbingo.tumblr.com/) moderators for all of their hard work! I know they’re not very likely to read this but I want to mention them anyway, for the off chance that they do see it and for you readers to know as well. They have done an astonishing work :D
> 
> Well, this is it for me for now. I feel like my brain has turned into mush… these double updates were hectic haha… With that in mind, now that the bingo is over I will return to posting once a week (on Thursdays) and I will start on November the 15th, to give myself a bit of a vacation. Also, I will be starting with a couple of prompt fics but please don’t take this to mean prompts are open again (and please don’t feel like I’m ignoring new prompts). Prompts are still closed; these were actually accepted before the bingo and they have been waiting for _so long_ while I have been selfishly writing the bingo fics… 
> 
> So yeah, I’m getting to them now! And we’re starting with an ABO fic where Omega!Dean and Alpha!Cas fall in love, though their love is forbidden and riddled with obstacles. Let’s see if and so, _how_ it works out! :D
> 
> xoxo,  
> zation


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